Graduation...the journey is only beginning

 I know I have been away from blogging for way too long and I apologize. I have exciting news though...I graduated! Yup, I completed my final dose of Xeloda (just in time...the skin on my hands and feet were really taking a hit)!  I took 8 cycles which took a little over 6 months and I am officially finished.

This chemo was by my choice, after much research, and was a proactive way to throw a curve ball to any possible left over cancer cells (which I am sure there were NOT!). A lot of women in my position with triple negative breast cancer make this choice even though the only study at the time had been done in Japan. Well guess what? Since so many of us did that there are now studies being done nation wide on this chemo for triple negative cancer!

I also graduated from regular oncology appointments and won't go in again until next April. That is a happy thing and a little bit scary to tell the truth. I am going to do my best to put "scary" aside and go with the "happy" part for sure. ;o)  

I am now in the final stages of having my skin on both my feet and hands come off. It is so ugly, I feel like a snake shedding it's skin. I still don't have finger prints yet, 24 hour fitness just loves me with checking in. Now I am the lady they all know can't do the fingerprint scan lol.

Blessings

God is such a great painter!

As I look back on this last year and a half I can't believe how much my life has changed, how much I have changed and even how much my relationships with God, family and friends have changed...all for the better. It is so hard to realize that many blessings are going to come your way when you get news like mine. It is hard to see out of your own thunderstorm to recognize or believe that. Although I must say is hasn't been a walk in the park, I am so very thankful that my body sustained itself so well during all of this. It was by no means a coincidence, it took great faith, a good attitude and a commitment to not give in to it all. 

In hindsight (which I pray is where it will stay) I must say that this journey of mine has been filled with many more blessings than difficulties. I learned so much about myself, I found so many ways to improve myself, I deepened so many wonderful relationships (and could see clearly which needed to go or at least take a less important role in my life), our beautiful family grew even closer, and most of all I know what it is to leap into God's arms and put all of your trust in Him. Blessings are always tucked away for us amidst troubles, we just need to put our own pity aside and look for them. 

I do NOT feel God gave me cancer but I do feel He made the most of it! Thank you Lord!

Fun is a MUST in life!

I love working with my small
group at confirmation. These kids
truly touch my heart!

I was able to return to Mexico and see my lovely daughters
learning to be hairstylists. I LOVE these girls so much!

Hiking Idyllwild with Don and Rob <3

Tight squeeze with my
"adventure girls?

A"mazing" time with Wendy and Catie

Prayers

In my last post I asked you to pray for my friend Sherry that was in surgery to remove some of her tumors in her liver. Unfortunately Sherry did not survive her procedure and is now in the Lord's hands. She fought such an amazing fight for so many years and was actually cracking jokes and helping others right up until the week she passed away. I miss her funny text messages and her kindness.

I need you! Although I will not be posting regularly I humbly ask for your continued prayers. I need them so much even now. I am told THIS is the tough time for triple negative survivors. It is the time you are no longer actively fighting it since all of the treatments and surgeries are over. The waiting game starts and the finish line awaits. Will you be part of the 40% this comes back for (usually at 2.5 years and within 5 years) or will you be in the 60% that will continue life here. Well, I am certainly aiming to be in that 60% and am doing all that I can to help that. I am eating a low meat, high vegetable diet, being careful with the products I use that touch my body, working out regularly, going out and having as much fun as possible, and spending a lot of time talking with God! Please keep me in your prayers and I will certainly do the same for you. I appreciate all of you sticking by me with your love and support and I need you now as much as ever!

Oh yeah...forgot to mention a slight set back. After a fun night at Diner en Blanc with these characters I fell and got a hairline fracture on my left wrist and a 11pm-6am visit to the ER! Just didn't have enough going on I guess. LOL

Something to Share

I picked up a book I have had for awhile. It is a beautiful book on Mother Teresa called The Joy in Living. I must have gotten this back in 2014 (8 months before I was diagnosed). I had written something in the back. I am not sure why I wrote it but it is amazing for me to re-read it now. Little did I know what was going to happen 8 months later! Here it is:

"When I kneel quietly and talk with God it open my heart, my ears and stimulates my brain...sometimes it leads me to truths God wants me to face about myself. Yes, that can be a bit painful but I always thank Him for the chance to grow. If He doesn't show me my inadequacies then I can't improve. BUT the best part of my talking to Him is the listening! I get messages of enlightenment that I would never have during a busy day or laying in bed falling asleep. The are amazing messages of direction, comfort and love. It deepens my knowledge that I am never alone and that He stands beside me.

Now I need to work on realizing that each and every moment of my day while the world tries to distract me. When I succeed at this I say fewer things to regret, feel so much happier and my heart is full of gratitude. 

I am a work in progress and I appreciate His patience!" 10/14/14

Update Time!

Why do I always find myself apologizing for not bloging in awhile? I am sorry...what can I say, my best defense in all of this is to keep busy. I love being at work, doing things with my family and friends. I am trying to take every opportunity I can, CARPE DIEM!!  

So I had my melanoma surgery last Friday. My sweet Danielle took Friday off and drove down after work on Thursday night. She and Joe took me to the hospital and stayed until I was done. It was a hurry up and wait day for sure. Over 4 hours from when we arrived until they took me in. Some of the steri-strips came off in the shower today and lets just say I will be giving Harry Potter a run for his money in the lighting bolt shaped scar category. Mine is much more impressive than his since it is about 2 1/2" long and I can't hide it under my bangs...no, it's right out there on my bicep for everyone to see. I need a good story to tell when people ask about it and I can't go with the Voldemort thing!

3 times a charm. IVs are not my friend!

I had to take a few days off from chemo to heal. That means I start cycle 8 (was going to be the last one) on Monday for 2 weeks and then after a week off I do the second week I skipped for the wedding and the 3 extra days. That would mean on Oct 20th in the morning it will be my very last dose of Xeloda!! YAY!!!

Fun Stuff/Blessings

My Disneyland face!

The Zoo with Joe, boogie boarding with Wendy and Catie, biking with Kendall and Christian, Disneyland with Joe and Uncle James and hiking to 7 bridges with Catie are some of the things I have been doing. I am still working Tues-Thurs but sure try to get out and do things on the other days. Each day offers it's own things and are each a blessing. It makes me so sad when people answer the age old question of "how are you?" with "I'm fine" or "okay." I mean come on people...you woke up, your breathing, your here! Go make the best of the day you can and quit trying to plan the next one. Spend today enjoying today. Yup...and as I always say...have fun doing it. Some days are harder than some for all of us but even in those days a light can be found and a smile can grace you lips. Give it a try, it makes the bad seem a whole lot less bad! ;o)

We should have taken this BEFORE
we went boogie boarding!

Prayers

I have a dear friend that went into surgery for some shunts over a week ago and I have not heard back from her. Her name is Sherry and I am quite concerned. She is a long time cancer fighter and is such a positive light for me. Sherry sends me silly laugh for the day text messages and has been so supportive and encouraging. She is all the way over in La Quinta so I can't just drive over and check up on her unfortunately. Please pray that her body is healing and that she is doing well.

I also ask that you pray for a mom at our church. Her name is Jackie and she has 2 young kids and a wonderful husband. She also had triple negative breast cancer like me but hers is now back with a vengeance and it breaks my heart for them all. It is extra hard for me to see her...it gets my mind going in places it shouldn't. 

With that in mind I do ask for your prayers my awesome prayer warriors. Please pray that I can lay my worries at His feet. Every day, multiple times a day, I have to choose to do this as the thoughts and worries creep in. It can be exhausting at times but usually a deep breath and calling on the Holy Spirit helps me. It is so hard to not feel like a ticking time bomb at times. That is why keeping myself active and having fun is best for me. Of course I always have prayer time every morning and night but between them I try to keep myself moving, living, laughing!

Thank you all for your support, just knowing your are out there praying for me and accompanying me on this journey brings me comfort and strength!

Wow, Where do I Begin?

I guess with an apology would be good. I am so sorry I have been away for so long! Like I said before, no news is usually good news...or exciting news in this case. So much has been going on and my life has been filled with so many blessings! Let me update you with treatment stuff first...

Good News! So all of my other biopsies came back negative so at this point I am only dealing with the one melanoma on my upper left arm. My surgeon from my breast surgery is doing it for me on September 9th and because of where is it and what I do she is making me take a week off...oh darn! lol!!  I plan to see some movies and have time to hang out with friends so let me know if you want to "play" that week! I will see a derm every 3 months now to keep an eye on things. I have a couple of other spots I'd like biopsied at some point but you can only have so many holes at a time I guess! I did look spectacular at the wedding with bandaids all down my arm!! Who needs jewelry when you can have bandaids!?!?

As for my chemo I will start cycle 7 of 8 tomorrow. I will have to do the second week of cycle 5 when I am all done but it was so worth taking it off for the wedding so my feet could feel good.

Speaking of the Wedding!

It was absolutely wonderful! I wouldn't change a thing and it felt like such a gift from God. Kendall made a beautiful bride and Christian was such a handsome groom. You could totally feel the love between them during their ceremony as well as feel and witness their deep faith. A beam of light was pouring down on them the whole time washing them in Glory.

I had a total blast at the reception and I think I danced to all but maybe 5 songs. My knee is still paying the price but it was totally worth it! My dear friend James came up to me and said, "Do you know what you just did? You danced at your daughter's wedding!" Yes I did and it was a blessing to be here to do it! A true blessing in so many ways!!

As if having your daughter get married wasn't enough... 2 days later Joe and I were on a redeye to NY to see Cam go on as the lead (JM Barrie) in Finding Neverland! It was so special because his cousins Bob and Stef were already there and had tickets to that very show and that same dear friend James (aka "Uncle" James) flew out and surprised us. We were all there along with many of Cam's special friends, and his girlfriend Jill to witness him as the lead on Broadway. I cannot even come up with words to describe how it felt. As Cam says, it made me "feel all of the feels"!  Yup, that about sums that up! I feel so incredibly blessed to have had these 2 wonderful things happen in my life and I am so thankful, so VERY thankful!!

Blessings...

Well, a blessing came today at mass. We usually go to St Gregs but today Joe and I found ourselves at Our Lady of Mount Carmel. Father Anthony's homily was on humility.  Of course "the humble shall be exalted and the exalted shall be humbled" was the inspiration for his talk. I loved the quote he used from CS Lewis. He said that humility is not thinking less of yourself...it is thinking of yourself less. It really touched my heart so deeply. This whole "cancer thing" has made me have to put so much focus on myself and I am just not used to that. I have to get back to doing what makes me be me. I want to jump back in with my work in Mexico. I had to be so careful with germs during my other chemo and although I still need to be to some degree I honestly feel I can start to venture back down there. I have missed them all so much and I am so ready. I think I would like to put this saying up somewhere to remind me every day!

I am truly loving life, valuing each and every moment of it. Trying to find lessons in all that I do and experience. And most of all, I am thankful, so VERY thankful! 

Prayers

You tell me you like it when I get specific, it is so hard for me to do this. To ask for people's prayers seems like too much. There are so many others that need it more. I think I would like to ask for your prayers for 2 boys. One is named Orlando. My friend Amanda Haddock (Pearson) has a site called Dragon Master Foundation that she started after losing her own son, David, to brain cancer. She recently posted about 11 year old Orlando who is fighting for his life. He truly needs your prayers. The other boy is Bryson. I randomly met his mom while I was shopping for a top and we got talking. 17 year old Bryson is at Children's with brain cancer. He is also in need of your prayers. These are young boys with lives in front of them that need living. Please keep them and their loved ones in your prayers. Orlando's family is in need of some financial help After being told there were no more options for him they found a specialist in California that is having some breakthrough in his work with this kind of brain cancer. The foundation was able to get him linked with a generous donor for a private jet to bring him here but there are many expenses for his mom to be able to stay out here with him. If you like to help him you can text the word "cancer" to 91999. You can also go to https://thisgreymatters.wordpress.com/2016/08/28/helping-orlando/ to read all about him. Okay prayer warriors...let's get to it and get some powerful prayers flowing for these guys! God bless you all!!

My 4 kids!

#5 Almost Done...Sort of

I get to cheat this cycle. I am only doing one week so my feet and hands will be feeling reasonably good for the wedding and reception. That means I am all done this Sunday and can start the recover mode. We will decide if I will take the second week from this cycle at the end of my 8th and last cycle. I vote yes! 

One of my "bullet wounds"

It was certainly "doctor week" this week. I saw the surgeon that did my breast surgery on Monday. She will be taking care of my melanoma when the time comes. First she wanted me to see a UCSD dermatologist to make sure none of my other moles are suspicious. I did that on Wednesday and now I have 6 new holes in me! I am regretting not waiting until after the wedding for this since I now look like I have bullet holes all over me...great! Oh well, what is one to do?! I guess I will be doing my best Bonnie and Clyde impersonation...just need Clyde and I am ready to go. Between my tumor surgery, breast reduction on the other side, 2 biopsies followed by 6 more and the surgery that awaits me for the melanoma I think I have lost a pound of flesh! LOL  I DO NOT recommend this as a weight loss method! ;o)

I think this is such a lovely
look for the wedding!

Blessings

I have had so many wonderful blessings and joyous distractions. From going to NY for Cam's Broadway debut to Kendall and Christian's wedding right around the corner I have such a thankful heart! I will have all 3 kids home and under our roof this next week...doing the happy dance about that for sure! I have taken this whole next week off so I can spend some fun time with my little Kendall Roses before she becomes a wife. We are going to make it a stress free and fun week for sure! We started off by going to her final dress fitting and grabbed boba from our favorite place. 

Prayers

I humbly ask for your prayers that my other biopsies come back negative. That way I will only have the one that needs surgery. I also ask that you continue to pray that my Xeloda is doing all that it is supposed to be doing from me and that my cancer will not return. I pray for a cancer free body so that I can get back to doing His work. My heart gets so filled by being able to get out there and help others...especially my girls in Mexico!

Things That Made Me Smile

Betty and Cam on the
Neverland Stage

My dear friend Betty King has always been so supportive of my kids theater ventures. In fact she has dubbed herself Cameron's #1 fan (that is after me of course). She has seen all of his shows and even went all the way to NY to see him on the Broadway stage! She left on a redeye Friday night and returned Sunday...now that is one loyal fan! ;o) Love you Betty!

This little guy brings a smile to my face

almost every day. My friend and neighbor is a nanny to him and his sister. "Brudder," as he is fondly called, is usually out in the cul de sac ripping it up in his hot rod while sporting his flame mohawk helmet. He makes me so excited to be a grandma! 

And to all of you...you make me smile because when I think about how wonderful you are to be praying for me it makes me so happy. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart! God bless you all!

#4 = Half Way DONE!!!

Yup, tomorrow will be the end of cycle #4! I can't believe that means I am half way there! Woo-hoo! My feet are really taking a hit but it is only for about 1 week of the 3 week cycle. They feel like they are on fire and then when I step on them they feel like glass is in my shoes. At least it is only a few areas at a time. They are being nice to me by taking turns between the balls and heels at least! They are starting to peel on the bottom and my hands have decided to join the party! The knuckles on my hands (on the palm sides) are also peeling a bit but do not get the pain my feet do...then again I don't walk around on them! LOL

There has been sooooooo much going on in life lately. Let's get the crappy part out of the way first and then I can end on a happy note or two!

The Crappy Part

So I am a good girl and try to go in once a year to get my skin checked. That time rolled around right before we left for NY and you have probably guessed by now that I didn't get the best news...and to top off the crappy news it came at a VERY crappy time! (Never a dull moment for this girl)

We were just leaving our hotel room to meet our whole group for dinner followed by Cam's Broadway debut when my phone rang. Only Kendall knew I was expecting the call so we told everyone to go ahead and we'd catch up. Well...I have a melanoma but it is only at the "in situ" stage which for bad news is actually good news. It was a very small dark mole/freckle on my left upper arm I had noticed and pointed out to the doctor. She didn't even think it was anything but took a biopsy anyway. Glad she did! I am going to have the surgeon from UCSD, that did my other surgery, take care of it and will have a consultation a week from Monday. It looks like we can wait until after the wedding so that is good since the sleeve on my dress for the wedding is higher than where the scar would be and that's my good side for photos so we just can't have that! ;o) I am going to go to another dermatologist to have someone else double check the rest of me to make sure we didn't miss anything. I am not sure that the method of having pieces taken out of oneself is a good way to lose weight! Argh! Oh well, what's a girl to do...just a bump in the road!

Watching Cam sign autographs
was WAY cool! 

Okay...Now the Good and Happy Stuff!

Cameron surrounded by love, pride
and support!

So as all of you friends from Facebook or Instagram know, we all went to NY to be there for Cameron's debut on Broadway. We had 11 family members all fly in from various parts of the States to be there for his big moment! He is the understudy to the lead and has many very nice roles as a featured ensemble in Finding Neverland. It is the story of JM Barrie, the man who wrote Peter Pan. It is such a beautiful show with humor, great songs and dancing and is very touching. In fact it was extremely touching for a particular mother and daughter sitting in the audience that just got the melanoma news! We both bawled our eyes out at the end and Kendall actually had a hard time talking for awhile. I absolutely LOVED this show and it will be coming out on it's first National Tour in October. It will come to San Diego late Spring! 

Me pointing to Cam's name
on the cast list

It started out as a wet July 4th
but 3 garbage bags later it didn't
stop us!

More Happy Stuff...Don't You Just LOVE Happy Stuff!!

Two other great things. First of all my lovely niece Jennifer (my brother John's daughter) is here with her son Jackson from Colorado. It is such a treat to have them around and fill my house with joy! My other lovely nieces (I have the best ones in the world!) brought their kiddos over as well and we had a "cousin celebration" in our backyard! There is nothing better than watching a bunch of kids all splash around in the pool and enjoy each other. Even Kendall got in on the act and brought the 3 kids she was watching over the weekend. We ended up with 8 kids all together. I was doing the happy dance just having them all here!

Of course the next happy thing is of course, Kendall and Christian's wedding is less than 3 weeks away!!!  They are both gone this weekend on their bachelorette and bachelor parties. The girls are in Palm Springs and the boys are in Newport Beach. We moved Christian into the apartment they will be living in after the wedding. It is in Hillcrest and is small but adorable! Its actually a little duplex so no noisy neighbors above or below to deal with. We've been having Kendall's dress fittings and she is going to be such a beautiful bride. I can't believe my baby girl is going to be a wife soon! She and Christian are such a great couple with such a strong conviction to the sacrament of marriage. Can't wait for the Big Day!

Blessings and Prayers

Well, I think the above happy stuff covers the blessings portion pretty well. Of course it is the peace that my faith brings me that let's me deal with these hurdles. I am so thankful for that and for the gifts I receive each and every day! I try to keep my eyes open to them so I can see them all. Some are obvious like having loved ones around or having exciting things happen in life. Other are more subtle and are there everyday but we are too busy to see or hear them. The singing of a bird always touches my heart, seeing adorable babies, hearing the garage door or front door open and knowing Joe is home, and being surrounded with loving women at work. I am trying harder and harder to really enjoy each and every minute of each and every day. Not only to enjoy but to be thankful for it all. I am working on less complaining and more thankfulness. When people ask how I am, I like to say GREAT! Do you notice how many people answer "okay" when asked how they are. I want to say, "Really, just okay? I think if you really think about it I bet you are actually GREAT!" I know I am!!!  

I ask for your continued prayers...I couldn't be here typing this without them! You are all powerful prayer warriors for sure and I love and appreciate you all! Thank you from the bottom of my heart! Please pray that my side effects do not get any worse and please pray especially that the chemo is doing what it is supposed to be doing and killing any possible unwanted cells in my body! I too will pray for each of you. 

Now go out there and find things to be thankful for y'all! Life is a blessing!!

I wake up with my hair like this every morning!
Bekie at work said I look like Wolverine! LOL

Yippee for #3!

Yup, the third cycle is done just in time for my feet and hands to recover for our NY trip (more to come on that)! Got to admit that the feet got a little worse this time and on Monday I felt like if they got any worse I wouldn't be able to work. Low and behold they took a turn for the better on Tuesday and felt even better today! My hands are still giving me some trouble but nothing this girl can't handle! Not much more to report other than I saw Dr Parker last week and she didn't like the looks of my feet and said that they would reduce my meds if it continued. No way, I want to make sure this stuff is doing what it has to do! She did at least talk me into taking the smaller dose leading up to Kendall and Christian's wedding though so my feet wouldn't hurt so much. Let's face it, this mother of the bride intends to dance the night away!! Plus I bought some rather pricey shoes that I insist on wearing. I don't think the rubber flip flops I have been wearing will look too good with my lovely dress! I will have them standing by though for when the dancing starts...who cares at that point!?!

NYC Here We Come!

A view of the set for Finding Neverland

Back to NYC for the Sczempka's! We leave tomorrow night on a red eye to see Cam's little footsies step onto the Broadway stage for his first show Friday night. We ended up with 11 people all flying in for this glorious event! We have Joe and me (of course) Kendall, Christian, Danielle, Casey, Uncle James, Uncle John, Aunt Kathleen (from Arizona), and cousin Jennifer and her boyfriend John (from Colorado). We are just so darn proud that we could just pop!! I think I need a better word that excited about all of this. I think I actually need to invent another word to describe this feeling. Any suggestions? ;o)

Blessings

It seems like every other commercial on TV is for some sort of medicine for some sort of horrible medical problem. At first these really got under my skin because even if they weren't for cancer they were all reminders of what was going on for me. Lately though I have decided to look at them a different way. Now every time one is on I say, "Wow, its a good thing I don't have that problem or need that medicine!" It reminds me that I am not the only one that has S@#T going on and that I am blessed to not have those things too! Boy it sure is hard to be Miss Sunshine but it is worth the effort!

I would like to ask you all to pray for Jessica. She is a mom at our church that was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer back in 2012. She was only stage 1 with no lymph nodes so she had a good out look that things would be okay. Unfortunately it is back in her lungs and brain. It has been so heartbreaking to witness her progression fighting this disease. She comes to church every week (and even serves at the alter many times) and sits with her 2 adorable kids and very sweet husband. She is now using a cane to help stabilize her. Please pray for remission for this mom that needs to stick around longer for her family.

I also ask for your continued prayers that my Xeloda is hunting down and destroying any possible unwanted cells in my body. 

Thank you all for sticking with me on this journey, it means so much to have you by my side.

Time Flies...

Cycle 2 done!

I guess with my blog, no news is good news! Lol  I get so busy with work and trying to go out and enjoy life that I am terrible about sitting down and posting. I am sorry. Well to get you updated on my Xeloda cycles I finished up cycle 2 and made the most of my week off. I did find out what the heck this "hand and foot syndrome" is unfortunately. It was mostly my own dumb fault because Joe and I went to Disneyland and although they said not to walk a lot I figured that was for everyone else except me...I mean I am superwoman aren't I? I now know the answer to that is actually no. It started with my feet that day. The skin on the bottom of my feet get thick like a callous and it feels like I am walking on glass. I can get a months worth in one day, it is so weird! No more walking long distances for awhile. My hands are getting it a little where my scissors rub but nothing out of control. 

For those of you who don't like foot talk I apologize and you can skip this part. ;o) To fight this callous battle I have to lightly file my feet every other night to stay on top of it. It is amazing the amount of stuff that comes off! Really disgusting! I have to be careful to not get over zealous with it though, I learned that the hard way. 

Last Monday I started cycle 3. It seems like they are going by fast and that is a very good thing. If I just keep looking at them as cycles it really does help. When I count out that I won't finish until the first week of October, that doesn't help. Supposedly the symptoms get worse each time but that didn't really happen with the other chemos so I am just going to plan on it not happening with this one! I do notice that during my weeks on Xeloda I cannot get enough sleep and I do not have as much interest in food. No nausea, just not much of an appetite. Can't really complain, I am so thankful that is all it is.

Exciting Things

Kendall and Christian's wedding is coming up so fast! We had Kendall's shower and it is was so lovely. My dear friend Diane Munoz, her daughter Brittney (a bridesmaid) and Danielle (maid of honor and world's best sister) put it on and it was so incredible! They truly outdid themselves and made Kendall feel like a princess! The other bridesmaids all pitched in to help and everything went so well. Such a blessing to have so much love surrounding us all. Kendall finished up the school year so now it's wedding time for sure. Our living room looks like wedding central, so does our garage for that matter. Such a joyous time, I am loving every minute of it.

As for Cameron, I am sure many of you saw his great news on Facebook. He will be stepping out on stage to perform in his first Broadway show on July 1! He will be in the ensemble of Finding Neverland and is the understudy to the lead! It looks like the whole family will be traveling out there to be in the audience for his very first show. I feel like I need to pinch myself every day, I am so proud I could just burst!   

Blessings

I read from Jesus Calling every day, I have done this for almost 4 years now. It is a great way to start or end a day and it always amazes me how a reading that didn't sink in the year before on that day can talk to your heart on another one. One sentence I really loved from the other day said, "I infused meaning into your mind and harmony into your heart." I just loved that and it truly describes what our Lord has done for me through this. I feel like my senses are so more aware of everything and in so many ways, I have much more peace than ever before. I'd love to say that I don't have any dark days or moments of fear for those certainly come. I will say though that the gifts and blessings along this road have been many and they have been truly life changing. A deepened faith is at the top of the list for sure.

UNFINISHED

Our church sent 8 teachers from our youth programs over to Scottsdale to attend a conference. It was beyond wonderful and I learned so much. I deepened many friendships with my fellow teachers and had a blast. The theme was UNFINISHED and at a small breakout group we had to say what in our lives felt "unfinished." When it was my turn I said that it was my life itself. I do not feel finished here and look forward to continuing the work He leads me to do. I love helping others and it makes my heart sing!

                                    What is "unfinished" in your life?            What makes your heart sing?

Peace out! ;o) 

1 Down 7 to Go! 

1 down, 7 to go!

So I finished my first cycle of Xeloda and I am now enjoying my week off. Woo-hoo! As a reminder I do 2 weeks on and 1 week off for 8 cycles. I have decided to just stick with focusing on them as cycles because 6 months seems way worse than 8 cycles to me...don't you think so?

The good news is that the 2 weeks went fine! No body parts fell off, my head didn't spin around and I obviously still have my sense of humor! ;o) I really haven't felt any real symptoms, maybe a little extra tired but I just don't give in to that. You know me, the ever ready bunny that likes to keep busy! I am working about 3 days a week and hanging in there. I love being there spending time with the girls (they really keep my spirits up) and with my wonderful clients that are so much more than clients...they are friends. My neuropathy from my other chemo is still giving me some trouble. It's only my arms and hands but I am learning to accept it as a part of life. Oh well! ;o) My big toe nails are also slowly trying to leave me...gross! The new ones are growing in underneath and I hope they win the race before the others come off...polish seems to help...a lot! (sorry for the TMI) I have decided that it is important to keep going to the gym and stay in shape. They released new evidence that our "killer cells" are more productive in someone that works out so that is another benefit to it all. Those cells go out in the body to hunt down and destroy cancer cells. I only do the upright bike for my cardio since I need to be good to my feet but also do the different seated type machines there too. GO WORK OUT EVERYONE!

I will start cycle 2 this Monday and we will be increasing the dosage since I tolerated it so well. I love that I have to wear gloves and not touch the pills! Really? Don't touch them to your skin, just get them inside your body! Oh yeah, I filed for a tier exemption with my pharmacy provider and got my copay reduced from $200 to $10 a month! I had never heard of it before but I am glad I have now. That was SO worth it! Now with the extra dosage the pills cost about $7000 a month! Yowza! Thankful for my insurance.

Blessings

Speaking of being thankful...you may find it strange that I have never felt so full of thankfulness. I wake up every single morning feeling so full of gratitude and count my many blessings. It is like I have put on a pair of magical glasses and see everything that I am blessed with so much more clearly. It's like going from black and white to technicolor! With the fear of this coming back I could be focusing on the "why me" or letting the fear over shadow my joy. Fear can be completely debilitating and blind you to everything good. Instead my eyes see past the fear, which I hand over to God every day, and feel my heart fill with gratitude. Why let tomorrow's fear ruin today's joy!!

Hitting milestones in my life are also so much more special. Joe and I celebrated our 31st wedding anniversary on May 18th and had a lovely dinner out at Roy's last night. Speaking of marriages, our house is becoming wedding central. Kendall and Christian's wedding is quickly approaching and it is such a wonderful distraction to everything for me. They are such a strong and faith-filled couple and have such a great life ahead of them! 

A couple of other really super cool things happened last week. My wonderful kiddos at church made their confirmation after 2 years of preparation. I am so proud of them! Watching them grow in their faith and as humans has been an incredible gift that I will always treasure. They have truly touched my heart. What is this gold pin you ask? (even if you didn't ask you get to hear about it!). One of my former students who is now heading off to college achieved his Eagle Scout Award and honored me with this pin. He was allowed to give one pin to whom he felt impacted him in his life. I am blown away from this and touched beyond words. Thank you so much for this honor Eric Bermudo!

Prayers

I humbly ask for your prayers that I will continue to tolerate my chemo well with no side effects. It is a long road ahead and I need my body to stay strong and heathy through this. I also ask that you pray that if there are any rogue cancer cells in my body that this chemo and my awesome killer cells are out there destroying and annihilating them! Thank you my sweet friends and family, I pray for all of you as well! 

Spend your day seeing all the things you have to be thankful for!  

Here We Go Again!

Tomorrow is the day that I start the new chemo, Xeloda (capecitabine). I am keeping a very positive outlook about it and feel I will soar through this with flying colors like I did with the other 2 chemos! I will be starting out by taking three 500mg pills after breakfast and then again after dinner. I will do this for two weeks and then have one week off. If/when I do well on this dose she will increase it. I will repeat this for 8 cycles which takes about 6 months. Not thrilled about that but it is what it is! ;o)

The warnings and instructions are interesting to say the least. First of all I am not supposed to touch them without gloves on. Hello...so don't mess your skin up, just get it right into your mouth and digestive track! The nurse went over things I am supposed to avoid during this time and said...

• no standing for long periods of time
• no long walks or hikes or aerobic activities
• keep my hands and feet dry and well moisturized
• no hot or cold water on hands and feet
• do not use kitchen or garden tools that involve repeated opening and closing of the hands

There were a few more things but I said, "You just described my job!" I mean really?! This is going to be very interesting but I am just positive that I am not going to have problems with all of this! So I am putting my seat belt on, holding on with white knuckles and am ready for this ride. Let's throw all we can at this dang cancer and beat it!

A Little Scare

SO...just to keep things interesting I thought we'd throw a little scare into it all. I saw my radiology oncologist for a skin check on the radiation area. It looks great by the way and you can't even tell I had radiation. I happen to mention to her that I found a small lump on my other breast the night before and I had her examine it. She didn't seem alarmed but said that I was due for a mammogram on that side anyway (my poor little left booby has been ignored). I didn't think much of it all and was focused on the fact that my port was coming out on Wednesday. WELL...my oncologist thought it was a big deal and the next thing I know I am being rushed in for a mammogram and ultrasound to get to the bottom of things before the port is removed and before I start the chemo. Just the thought of cancer in my other breast was too much for me to handle so I just gave it over to God. It was amazing how much I just went with the flow after that. Let's face it, there wasn't anything I could do about it so I just handed it over.  It all turned out fine and now have a new baseline for my mammograms since my breasts are very different now.

The Arnold-ectomy...aka The Terminator Has Been Terminated!

This was in me, cord and all!

Don't look so sad Arnold!

Last Wednesday my friend Lucia was my hand-holder and designated driver for my port to come out. It took way longer than we both expected but we had time to really get to talk and catch up while we were waiting. The waiting was way longer than the procedure and let's face it, it went fast because I was sleeping, lol! It all went well and NO MORE PORT!!! One less physical reminder of all of this! The terminator served me well but I am happy it is no longer there!

Blessings and More Sorrow

This is my all-time favorite Bedison photo! Mike is photo
bombing in the back. Love this family!

First we all had the shock of my friend Kyle passing away and then a few days later my friend Mike Bedison also passed away. Mike's daughter and son, Jen and Mikey, were my kids choreographers back when they were in children's theater. Our families were instantly intertwined through theater, our faith, hair appointments, trips to Europe, and many celebrations throughout life. It has been about 17 years that we first met and quickly bonded. Mike has been battling an undetermined illness since last December with much frustration. It has been a long and tough road for them all and he lost his battle last weekend. Both Mike and his lovely wife Marilyn were regulars at Tease and I always looked forward to spending time with them and catching up on life. I can't look at the little chair in my suite at the salon without thinking of him. It brings a smile to my face picturing him there but an ache to my heart at the same time. I will truly miss this sweet, funny, kind, wonderful man. His rosary will be tomorrow night and his service will be Tuesday. Of course it will be a huge Aloha as we send this native Hawaiian off and bid him aloha oe!

 Lucia and I getting one last good hike in before I can't, due to my new meds. What a beautiful day it was! What a beautiful friend she is!

Speaking of beautiful friends, this is some of our high school friends group that got together to celebrate Kyle's life and our many wonderful memories of him. They are blessings in my life and more like family than friends! 

One More Time...here we go again!

I met with my UCSD oncologist last week and got the low-down on the new chemo plan. Since it is an oral medication she thinks it is best to take my port out since it could cause an infection. Yes, it is time to "terminate" Arnold! I hope they let me keep it...I'm weird like that. ;o) I will be getting that done on Wednesday. My friend Lucia will be taking me since Joe will be out of town and Kendall will be teaching. I will be under a light anesthesia so I am sure I will be a bit goofy, heaven knows she has seen me this way before! lol

Lucia and I getting in a good long hike at Torrey Pines!

The following Monday I will be starting Xeloda. I will take it after breakfast and dinner every day for 2 weeks followed by a week off. I will continue this pattern for 6 months...yup, I said 6 months! It's a long one but I want to throw it all at this thing. The main side effects this causes is diarrhea (lovely) and something called hand and foot syndrome. When the nurse read through everything I am supposed to avoid in hopes to prevent getting it, it pretty much described everything that is involved with being a hairstylist. Don't be on your feet too much, keep your hands dry, no hot or cold water on hands and feet, don't wear rubber gloves...I mean really?!?! 

It also says that I can't go on long walks or hiking, aerobics...needless to say I am trying to pack all that stuff in now while I can!

The medication also reduces my red and white blood counts so that puts me back in the no hugs and being extra careful with germs and crowds. I am totally banking on not having any of these symptoms. I did so well with my other chemos and radiation that I am just sure I will do fine with this as well. After all, I have a wedding to help plan, make things for and most of all, attend! What a joyous distraction!

Blessings and Goodbyes

So today we celebrated my friend Kyle's birthday and life. Yes, it was his birthday today and also the day we all said goodbye. It was heartwarming to see the church packed full of people that all loved Kyle, what an incredible turn out for such an incredible man. Listening to everyone talk about Kyle filled my heart with such pride. I always knew he was an amazing guy but hearing person after person get up to talk about him was so enlightening. He was truly a man of God and so dedicated to his family, church, and friends. I am so proud of him and all that he did without bragging to us or looking for any kind of recognition. He was a blessing in my life but also to so many others. 

Kyle Hammerness, I am so grateful our paths crossed in life. Rest in paradise my friend! 

Kyle and his beautiful family at his son's confirmation