Step III...Radiation

Arms up and in you go!

Time for another step along this journey. Radiation time! I met with Dr Yashar (my oncology radiation doctor) and we got the ball rolling on all of this. They did a CT scan but this time it was much different. I had to put my hands over my head into a brace that held them there (it is a good thing I have been doing my stretches that OT gave me). Then they moved me back and forth through the donut shaped contraption. After that all the fun started lol. I got tattooed!!!  Yup, Beth that is not a fan of tattoos now has 4 little dots on my chest. These dots will play a big roll in how they align me up for the actual radiation. The tech put black ink on my skin and then poked a needle through it into my skin...yes it hurt/burned but it wasn't bad. Nothing like the nerve block before surgery...yikes!

Got 'inked" up!

It is amazing how scientific this part gets. The scans, measurements and photos (yes, more boobie pictures) are now evaluated and my plan gets designed. I will have 30 treatments 5 days a week. 5 of the treatments are "boosters" that involve something like a mammogram machine. I think they come first so I am dreading having my newly stitched breast compressed but a girl has to do what a girl has to do! ;o) I will go in this Wednesday morning at 6:30 am for more films and set up and the radiation will start the following day on Thursday. I guess I won't see many symptoms right away, they start to add up as time goes on. Tender, sensitive skin is what I hear. A little like a sunburn. My one good friend, that had this done, referred to it as toasting her coconut...I like that and am going to steal it! So I start getting a toasted coconut on Thursday. ;o) I guess fatigue is a common symptom from this but I hope to trudge through like the Ever Ready Bunny that I am! 

WARNING...I have been asked to not wear deodorant under my right arm until the 30 treatments are done so if you are going to stand next to me, I would choose the left side!! LOL

Decisions

After many discussions with Dr Parker and tons of research, I still have the big decision of whether I am going to push for more chemo after my radiation.  There are a lot of pros and cons to this and it is not a black and white situation. I have learned to not do research in the evenings, and I don't allow myself to do it every day. Kendall gave me some great advice that I need to quit demanding that God talk to me and give me the answers. I have laid my worry at his feet and trust in His hands and believe He will give me the right direction when the time is right. It truly helps me calm down about it. I did find a doctor/researcher in Texas that I emailed and he has agreed to a brief conversation over the phone on Monday. He cannot give me "medical advice" but I can certainly pick his brain about more chemo after radiation and what chemo he feels work the best. If I have to, I will fly down and see him for more answers.

Blessings

This time off has been very good for me. I haven't had down time like this in my adult life and it kind of scared me at first. It is a true blessing and I am healing in many more ways than just from the surgery! I humbly ask for your continued prayers for my clear direction with all of this. I certainly do not want to subject my body to more chemo but I want to kick this cancer with all that I can. My hair is starting to grow back (like a VERY short buzz cut) and my eyelashes and eyebrows are starting to make an appearance again. It will be sad to see them all fall out again but my little ray of sunshine, aka Kendall pointed out that it is proof how fast it will all come back again! Gotta love that kid! 

I leave you with a reading from my Jesus Calling book. It was from January 16th:

"As you anticipate what is ahead of you, you forget that I am with you-now and always. Rehearsing your troubles results in experiencing them many times, whereas you are meant to go through them only when they actually occur. Do not multiply your suffering in this way!"

The Decision Point

So Joe and I saw Dr Parker (my oncologist) this morning. She went over my pathology report with me and it had good news and not so good news. Of course we all hoped and prayed for no evidence of disease or "complete pathological response" to the chemo at the time of surgery. As we know this did not happen, it would have made a huge impact on my life expectancy as well as make these next decisions much more clear. The good news (that we already knew) was that it did respond to the chemo and shrunk to half it's size AND that there was no disease in any lymph nodes. This means if the chemo didn't completely kill the tumor then did it completely kill any possible rogue cells that are elsewhere in my body.

I came in with my guns (or I guess I should say my folder) fully loaded with research. I know that Dr Parker went to a symposium in December and that she highly regards information presented at that so that is where I did my research from. I brought in some documents I printed and highlighted from some of those presentations...and I happen to have chosen one from a doctor that she knows and respects!  This led to her offering to looking into the costs involved with further testing of my tumor to see what category it falls into. Of course insurance does not cover it since it is cutting edge research and not yet "approved by the FDA". It will tell me if my tumor is more or less receptive to the platinum drugs. If it is the type that is receptive then I may decided to move forward with a drug called carboplatin. UCSD is going to open a trial on this, for women just like me, that are just out of surgery and done with the "standard of care" treatment plan. I would not go into this study since I could get randomized out of it, she would just simply give it to me. She is also looking into the guidelines of the trial to see if it is given after radiation.  

In a nut shell there are still A LOT of variables out there before decisions can be made. This is exhausting!!!  It is so hard that nothing is cut and dry and that decisions aren't clear. I know that I also exhaust my doctor. I am sure that I am the only one that comes in and does this to her. I told her that I only get one shot at this and I want it to be the best shot I can give. I don't want "standard of care" I want cutting edge, push the envelope care. Of course she explained that with all chemo drugs comes a high level of toxicity and that complete consideration needs to be taken before adding another one. It also means I will have been in chemo for close to a year when all is said and done.

Of course I DON'T WANT more chemo but in the same breath I want to do what is best for the long run. I do not like the odds that only 60% of women with this go 10 years without a reoccurrence. So far odds have not played out well for me and I am not a gambler. She is supposed to call me when she gathers her info and we will make a decision at that point. 

I am scared and really could use your prayers for clarity for both me and my doctor. 

Healing

So and update on my healing from surgery...it is all going very well and I am happy with how I am doing. I can start driving a little now so that is a relief.  I still can't work for 4 more weeks though and need to come back slowly. Of course getting more chemo can certainly interfere with this but if I do get it there is a good chance it will be after my 6 weeks of radiation that would mean I wouldn't be done with chemo until mid July! Argh...that is a long time from now. From what I understand, that drug is given every 3 weeks for 6 treatments but that info is from the nurse and not the doctor so I could be wrong. I hope I am wrong and that it is a shorter amount of time! That would only give me a few weeks before Kendall's wedding to heal.  Either way, I will be there celebrating her day and dancing the night away!

Blessings

It has been a blessing to be able to be at home healing and I have actually done better than I thought I would with not going into work. Of course I miss it, I miss the wonderful women I work with and seeing all my clients and catching up with them. In the same breath I have been trying to make the most of my time off. It has been wonderful to get visits from old friends and even having a few excursions out and about. Yesterday I had a visit from my dear friend Leila. She drove down so we could visit and go out to lunch...you know you are having a great time with a friend when you end up visiting for so long that the time flew by and we never even left the house! It was wonderful to see her and we are planning on being better about getting together. We also had a house guest that was also recovering from surgery and he was able to drive so I highjacked him a few times to get me out and about. We saw a move, went to lunch...it was good company!

My other blessing is to know how many of you are praying on my behalf and I truly appreciate it so much! I need them all. As I said before I would really appreciate your prayers for clarity for both me and Dr Parker with the decisions that lay ahead. They are big ones and ones that can impact my life expectancy.  Thank you for your prayers and words of encouragement.

Sorry if I Scared Some of You Off

Many of you have shared with me that people are afraid to contact me. When I first started this whole thing and was trying to get info out to everyone I had worded something in a way that I feel I need to explain. I had stated that "the phone and email were not my friend". What I meant was that I was completely overwhelmed with everything and that if everyone I was getting info out to tried to call, text or email me that I think I would have fallen a part.  Can you imagine, I was letting all of my clients, neighbors, family, friends, church and such know what was going on and it would have meant hundreds of calls and such. It freaked me out to even think of it. I don't want any of you to be afraid to reach out and say hi if you feel the desire. I still prefer email over calls or text messages. That way I can give my undivided attention to you. I have never been one that liked to chat on the phone and I forget about text messages and not always good at responding to them. I love hearing from you and hearing your words of encouragement and I really like just hearing about normal stuff. Please do not feel I am unapproachable!  I just don't like needing retell or update people...that is why I have my blog, so I don't need to say everything hundreds of times! ;o)  Okay, I hope that is set straight now and I apologize if I turned any of you off, it certainly was not meant to do that. I need you all! 

I will keep you all posted when I hear from the doctor. Prayers until then please! XOXO to you all!

Love these 2 cards from my great niece and nephew!

GREAT NEWS!

Hello everyone! Just a quick post, no cute pictures to show but some important news to get out to everyone...

I just got a phone call from my surgeon's office and they told me my pathology report had come in. They got all clear margins on the tumor and that it measured 1.4 x 1.1 x 0.7 cm which means it was less than half the size it started out as. The ultrasound was right! They also ran a more thorough test on the lymph nodes and they were indeed cancer free. They said this was great news and that they were celebrating me in the office. I will see my oncologist next Wednesday to see what all that means for me.  I know for sure that I have radiation ahead but I am not sure if she will recommend more chemo or not.  I am truly hoping that she doesn't feel it is needed! 

The tricky thing with my type of breast cancer (triple negative) means that there are no "magic pills" to take after all of this to help ward off any little rogue cancer cells that might have travelled elsewhere in my body. I humbly ask all of you prayer warriors to pray that my body is cancer free. I truly feel it is and I am just going about this with that attitude. 

This is very promising news and I just know that 2016 is going to be wonderful! God is awesome all the time and all the time God is awesome!  Thank you Lord!!!

Happy New Year!

On our way to the hospital for surgery.
No makeup allowed but I snuck my
eyebrows on! LOL

Hello everyone and Happy New Year to you all. Kendall was so sweet to post for me the day of my surgery. I was afraid that it would be all gibberish if I did it under the medication! From the stories I am hearing I think I was right. I am told that I was actually pretty darn funny and sarcastic...I remember none of it though so it's all hearsay! LOL

Our "Sweet ride."
Kendall and I got driven in
this from Moores to Thornton
after the wires were inserted.

Words cannot describe how relieved I was to hear that I didn't need a lymph node dissection and that they were totally clear of cancer! Praise God for that!! When I was in the recovery room the family came in and I would ask where I was and then say I wanted to sleep and pass out again. My other repetitive themes were if they got in touch with my brother, how old the nurses dog was and of course if my lymph nodes were clear. What sweet words they were to hear when I got that answer! 

I know Kendall mentioned that I was able to stop in at church Tuesday night (the night before surgery) while I was on my home from work. Yes, I worked most of the day to keep my mind off of things!! The moment I entered I was overcome with peace and happiness. I knew that things would all be fine and it kept me very calm the next day for surgery. I felt so blessed to have my whole family there with me and they did a great job distracting me and keeping me entertained while I was in pre-op...especially Danielle and Cameron! We ended up being at the hospital for 12 hours! They are true troopers to say the least.

The "cheer squad" right before they wheeled me away.
I am so blessed to have such love surround me!

I woke up with these nifty
compression things on. Danielle
said I looked like a storm trooper!

While the surgeon was in there removing the tumor and checking the lymph nodes she also did a reduction on the other side and lifted both breasts. Otherwise I would have had quite a bit missing from the right breast and getting a bra to fit would have been hard. It ended up being a bonus I had never even considered! I came home in a torture device that was part straight jacket and part bra. Wow, just trying to breathe was a challenge in that thing! She also placed a device in me called a BioZorb. I can feel it through my skin and she showed me what one looks like. It will help them target the right spot for radiation and after a year or so my body will absorb it except the metal markers.  

I packed some snacks and games
for the family. Bubble Yum makes
for a great contest while waiting!

The BioZorb that is in me

I'm FREE!!!

So today Joe took me to see the surgeon, she removed the "torture device" and I took my first true deep breath since surgery! That "bra" was so tight and escaping from it would have taken Houdini! That also means I got my first look at my breasts. Dr Wallace had the biggest smile on her face when she saw them and stood there admiring her work. She looked somewhere between a proud artist looking at their masterpiece and a proud mother looking at their child. Either way it made me feel like a thousand bucks. Someone hasn't smiled at seeing my breasts in a long time...at least without it proceeding laughter! LOL Let's face it, I nursed 3 children and I looked like Dolly Parton during that time. Deflated balloons come to mind. ;o( Not now...I can honestly say that when you look past the stitches, steri-strips and bruising I have some nice perky breasts! Like I said, a perk I had not considered but so thankful she suggested it. I'm told a woman has a right to symmetry so the insurance covers this. 

The Next Step

Next week on the 12th I will meet with Dr Parker, my oncologist. At that point I will get my pathology report and find out what all that means for me and what the game plan is. I ask that you all pray that I had none to very little cancer cells living still and that more chemo will not be needed. As far as I am concerned, I am cancer free at this moment and I believe other rogue cells didn't wander anywhere. That would mean radiation would be next which is 5 days a week for 6 weeks. At the end of that I can just focus on Kendall and Christian's wedding...what a joyous blessing to have to look forward to!

My attempted at relaxing! 

I have a true challenge right now. I weathered the 16 chemo treatments and the surgery...now I am told to "take it easy" and "lay low". Any of you that know me knows what a big challenge that is! I am the Eveready Bunny for goodness sake...I don't know how to take it easy! I know this will be good for me and I want to be a very good girl so I can heal well. It is a lesson I need and a test of patience. No lifting anything over 10 lbs for 6 weeks, no housekeeping (darn) and I can't even drive for 2 weeks! I will see a occupational therapist and she will let me know what I need to do to get strong safely. Thank goodness I like to read!

Blessings

This whole post was dotted with my many blessings. From the peace God washed over me as I walked into church the night before my surgery, to my whole family being there for me, to my lymph nodes being clear (thank you Lord), to all of the wonderful friends and prayer warriors, I am a blessed woman and thankful for it. I had so many wonderful messages of love and support from family and friends...my niece even had a Luna Grill meal for us. What a sweetie pie! I just feel so surrounded by love and lifted in prayer and I can't give thanks enough for it all. I feel very positive about 2016 and welcome this New Year with open arms and heart. My trust is in the Lord and it couldn't be in a better place. Happy and healthy New Year to you all...you are my blessings!

Happy New Year from our house to yours...not to worry, just
Martinellis in my glass! I even made it up to midnight even though
it was the day after surgery! It was due to great company!

It's a cotton candy sky...God is such a great artist!

Guess what?! I got gift Part II from the family.
Here is it with Part I. They are too good to me...
blessed and spoiled!