One More Time...here we go again!

I met with my UCSD oncologist last week and got the low-down on the new chemo plan. Since it is an oral medication she thinks it is best to take my port out since it could cause an infection. Yes, it is time to "terminate" Arnold! I hope they let me keep it...I'm weird like that. ;o) I will be getting that done on Wednesday. My friend Lucia will be taking me since Joe will be out of town and Kendall will be teaching. I will be under a light anesthesia so I am sure I will be a bit goofy, heaven knows she has seen me this way before! lol

Lucia and I getting in a good long hike at Torrey Pines!

The following Monday I will be starting Xeloda. I will take it after breakfast and dinner every day for 2 weeks followed by a week off. I will continue this pattern for 6 months...yup, I said 6 months! It's a long one but I want to throw it all at this thing. The main side effects this causes is diarrhea (lovely) and something called hand and foot syndrome. When the nurse read through everything I am supposed to avoid in hopes to prevent getting it, it pretty much described everything that is involved with being a hairstylist. Don't be on your feet too much, keep your hands dry, no hot or cold water on hands and feet, don't wear rubber gloves...I mean really?!?! 

It also says that I can't go on long walks or hiking, aerobics...needless to say I am trying to pack all that stuff in now while I can!

The medication also reduces my red and white blood counts so that puts me back in the no hugs and being extra careful with germs and crowds. I am totally banking on not having any of these symptoms. I did so well with my other chemos and radiation that I am just sure I will do fine with this as well. After all, I have a wedding to help plan, make things for and most of all, attend! What a joyous distraction!

Blessings and Goodbyes

So today we celebrated my friend Kyle's birthday and life. Yes, it was his birthday today and also the day we all said goodbye. It was heartwarming to see the church packed full of people that all loved Kyle, what an incredible turn out for such an incredible man. Listening to everyone talk about Kyle filled my heart with such pride. I always knew he was an amazing guy but hearing person after person get up to talk about him was so enlightening. He was truly a man of God and so dedicated to his family, church, and friends. I am so proud of him and all that he did without bragging to us or looking for any kind of recognition. He was a blessing in my life but also to so many others. 

Kyle Hammerness, I am so grateful our paths crossed in life. Rest in paradise my friend! 

Kyle and his beautiful family at his son's confirmation

Clarity...Prayers are Answered

You are all incredible prayer warriors...you are all the bomb.com for sure!!! Clarity is what I wanted and clarity is what I certainly got! If you remember, I was completely confused and torn between the two chemo options I was given though UCSD and didn't know how to make the decision.

My consultation/second opinion with Dr Traina at Memorial Sloan Kettering in New York was great and so was she. Cameron went with me since the rest of the family had headed back home by then. I was so glad he was able to go and hear everything that she had to say. First of all she was so kind and positive, I liked her from the moment she came into the room. A lot of information was given but to put it all in a nutshell she told me that I need to go on Xeloda (the oral chemo) and that they wouldn't even contemplate putting me on carboplatin at Memorial Sloan Kettering. She said based on my residual tumor that she highly recommended me doing adjuvant chemo and not leaving things the way they are and just hoping for the best. It left no doubt in my head as to what I am supposed to do and I am so very thankful for that! Clarity is a wonderful thing and thank you all for your prayers!

I will be meeting with my oncologist here on Tuesday and start Xeloda this coming week. I don't have all of the nitty gritty details yet but as soon as I do I will let you know. Put your seat belts on...here we go again on the chemo ride! 

The Big Apple

Our family trip was amazing! We all traveled to New York to join Cameron there for our last "Sczempka, family of 5 trip". With Kendall getting married in August it will probably be the last time we will all get away together. Needless to say, we all had a blast. 5 crazy Sczempkas set free in NYC...how could it have not been a blast!?! We walked tons of miles (about 20,000 steps a day), rode bikes for hours, ate incredible food, saw 4 shows and learned a lot about the subway system! Cameron was an incredible guide, host and social director...he even fit in a couple of auditions and a voice lesson to boot. We stayed at his apartment in Harlem to add to the experience. It is actually an historic building and I loved it! Did I mention RATS? Yeah, can't leave that part out. It is one thing I will never get used to. When we would walk on the neighborhood streets at night time the little darlings would come out in hoards! One place in particular that we had to walk past every night to get to the apartment was the best for the rat experience. There would be 20 to 30 of the lovely things scurrying about. They were the size of small cats...I swear to you! YUCK!!!

The little cutie if front of me
kept my mind off of the guy by
poking her hands through the
seat and playing peek a boo!

 

The guy next to me on the
plane coming home. Other than
his snoring, breathing on me
and taking up part of my seat
it was lovely!

Our family has always cherished and appreciated our time together but in light of the recent health "hijacking" we certainly value it even more. My heart is so full with joy to have had this time all together and now we get to focus on the joyous occasion of Kendall and Christian's upcoming wedding! We couldn't ask for a better man for her to spend her life with. It was an extra bonus for me to get to spend a few extra days there with it just being Cam and I. We went on a VERY long bike ride (that put us in another world. We ended up in a huge hasidic Jewish neighborhood...oy vey...very cool), saw another show and had some incredible one on one talks. I will put all of these gems in my little treasure box of life for sure. I am so grateful for it all!

Blessings

One of my many blessings in this life has been a very special group of friends that I have known forever! Some of them I met in elementary school and the rest of them I met in junior high. We are a small bunch and we have never lost contact with each other. Our lives have stayed beautifully intwined all these years. They are family to me and I love them all dearly. They are the ones that all pitched in and blessed me with my wig!

Our sweet Kyle, he will be so very missed

Unfortunately I received some incredibly sad news today. One of these dear friends passed away early this morning leaving his beautiful wife and 2 young sons behind. Kyle was a great dad, husband, friend, and devout Christian. He actually called me while I was in New York and I am so glad I missed his call because I have a voice message from him that I will save forever. What I am not happy about, and have been dealing with the guilt over, is that I didn't call him back. I was going to actually call him today since I flew in late last night. The whole trip was a whirlwind and I wanted to be able to call and catch up without the distractions. I am thankful to have been given the news in person. Tom and his wife Donna drove to our homes to let each of us know and I can't even begin to imagine how hard that must have been since Tom and Kyle were best friends. This is the second person we have lost from our group of old friends and my heart aches thinking about it. First Chris and now Kyle...sure reminds us all to treasure each moment and each loved one. Life is so delicate and short. Please keep Kyle's family in your prayers.

Prayers Needed

Hello my wonderful friends. So I leave tomorrow morning for NY! I will meet up with Joe in Chicago since he is there on business and we will fly the rest of the way together. Then Danielle and Kendall will fly in on separate redeyes and arrive Saturday morning. This is our last "family of 5" trip before Kendall is a married lady!

I humbly ask for you all to keep me in your thoughts and prayers...especially on Friday, April 15th. No, not because I am in trouble with it being tax day but because I will be meeting Dr Traina at Memorial Sloan Kettering to get advice on my next step with more chemo. I know I want to pursue more chemo but I am feeling extremely lost as to which type to get. I ask for your prayers that I will have clarity after talking with her. I have been patiently waiting for God's direction with this but truly don't feel I have had a clear sign yet. It is time to make the big decision and I am at a loss.

I should have started chemo this week but then I wouldn't have been able to take this trip. We had to schedule it around Kendall's spring break and this is the only time we could really do it. It is what it is and I just have to trust that this 2 week delay won't make a difference. I feel so excited for the trip and our family time together!!!  It is a true blessing and I so thankful for it.

Off I go and I just know I will feel all of your prayers and thoughts on the 15th!!

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart!

XO,

Beth 

(I don't return until the evening of the 18th so I won't be able to blog until I get back and catch my breath but I will let you all know how it went as soon as possible)

Radiation-less Week!

Yup, I graduated from radiation! 8 boosts to start with followed by 25 "regular" sessions, equalling 33 appointments (notice how I did the math for you there!). I am all done and my coconut is officially toasted. They told me that the burning would continue to build during the week following, much like I was still getting treatments, but I did not experience that. In fact it has already started healing. I am peeling and the edges look like I am dirty...lovely! ;o) They also told me to expect fatigue but I can't say I suffered from that either. All in all, this was by far the easiest part of all of this and my car practically drives itself to UCSD now. I wish I had to do more radiation instead of chemo!

I think a good part of what made this the easiest part is that I loved my doctor, Dr Yashar, and I loved all of the wonderful techs that took care of me! They were the sweetest each and every day. What a blessing they all were. On one of my appointments I was laying on the table and I told them (okay, I bragged to them...whatever) that Cameron was Gaston and that we were seeing him perform that weekend. One of the girls excitedly said that he was the second person she had met that had worked as a Disney character since her college friend played a character in Florida. I laid there and asked myself whether I should share my history...I decided to go for it and said, "actually you have met 3." I then told her of my Snow White past and that I truly married Prince Charming. They loved it but it meant I had to dig up an old photo to show them. Well...on my "graduation" day all of the techs working that day all took me out to ring the bell in the lobby and then they presented me with a very special, one of a kind, certificate!

Unfortunately when my friend Wendy and I went out to the parking lot, I discovered I had locked the keys in the car! Yes I did! I was in Cam's car since she and I went on a bike ride in Coronado that morning. We got to celebrate by waiting for an hour for AAA.

My beautiful set of rings from
my family is now complete.
I just love them for thinking
of doing this for me!
SO blessed!

The next chapter in all of this will be on April 15th. I will be seeing a specialist in NY for some input on this chemo decision. No, I am not flying back there just for this. Our family is traveling back to join Cameron for a last "Sczempka vacation" since Kendall is tying the knot soon! I thought that if I could get the pieces to fall into place with seeing her while I was there then it was meant to be. Guess God had it in His plans for me because they made time in the doctors schedule to fit me in. Please keep me in your prayers for a great appointment and total clarity on this next step.

Blessings

So something hit me today. I said something along the lines of, "I have cancer" and I realized that I need to believe and buy into that I DON'T have cancer any longer. I mean the surgeon removed the cancer that we knew I had and the radiation has now made sure that any linger cells in that area are killed off. Technically I AM CANCER FREE and that felt wonderful! I guess it never really hit me before now. I AM CANCER FREE! That sounds and feels wonderful. I need to just keep focusing on that and enjoy it. After all, this second round of chemo is precautionary and I am going to only think of it that way. 

These last few days have been filled with so much enlightenment and joy. I have been overcome with a sense of peace and growth. I am sure that being Holy Week has helped with that. May you all have a beautiful and blessed Easter!

Quick Update

Not much to tell but Joe and I met with my oncologist yesterday. She is willing to do more chemo for me and has offered 2 choices. One is carboplatin and the other is Xeloda. The first is an infusion like my others and would be done at the infusion center through my port (aka Arnold the Terminator). The second is in pill form and something I would do at home/work. There is more research and results with the carboplatin in this setting but what I read is that it is more successful with BRCA+ patients and I am not. I have a lot of research to do still but have time for it since I need to wait a minimum of 2 weeks after radiation finishes (which is this Friday!!!). My doctor is out of town the 3rd week and I am out town the 4th week so it looks like a month before things get started. We are running a blood test on me to make sure I can have the Xeloda. I guess a small percentage of people don't have a certain enzyme that is needed for it. That could make my mind up for me!

That's really it for now. Please pray for clarity for me so I know what to do here. It is so hard to CHOOSE which chemo to have when you don't particularly WANT it...I just know it is a good idea and will make me feel like I did everything I could do. I guess this is like the saying, "Pick you poison!" lol

Home Stretch

I am so sorry I have been so bad about blogging on here. Between going all the way to UCSD in La Jolla every weekday and going back to work part time, it has really tied me up. I am still good about not going on the computer about cancer stuff from the late afternoon into the evening so finding time to do this has been a challenge!

Is this a remote control or what?
They use this to position to table
I lay on for radiation.

I officially have 5 more radiation treatments to go! I started with 33 total and as of next Friday, March 18th I will be all done with that phase of things!  All in all it has gone pretty smoothly. It helps that everyone there in the radiation department are wonderful! My coconut is pretty darn toasted at this point but the girls there tell me that I am doing well. I am told that the skin irritation will continue to progress for about 5 more days after treatment finishes though. Other than the driving every day it has been the easiest part of all of this so far.

There really isn't much to update you on either. Just kind of the same old routine as I get this radiation done and behind me. I will be going to see my oncologist next Tuesday to discuss further chemo. I am pushing for it because I feel I should throw a little more at this since my tumor was not free of disease at the time of surgery. As much as I don't want more chemo, I want to give this my best shot! I will certainly update everyone as soon as I make a decision. 

Great Distractions

Having a little fun with Gaston.
He beats up LeFou all through
the play so I was getting him
back!

I had a blast having Cameron here and it was so much fun being able to see him play Gaston again! The only bad part was that I got to see so much of him his last few weeks here that now I am having withdrawal symptoms from him being gone. He is back in New York hitting the audition scene. I am so happy he is there pursuing his dream since he walked away from it to be here with me. Now he just needs to get on Broadway so I can go see him in a show again!!!

Kendall and Christian's wedding is just 5 months away and we are in full wedding prep around here. It is so much fun and keeps me in a positive spirit! Having distractions like Cam's show and the wedding are so healthy for me.

Blessings

Decision times during all of this are always my toughest moments and this is a huge decision time with more chemo and what kind. During these times it is always harder to pull myself out of the "mire" and spot my blessings. Don't get me wrong, I am so appreciative of being alive and I don't take that for granted for one minute! It is just harder to be inspired to sit down and write about it at these times. One thing in particular stands out though. The other day I was at home having a little pity party and doing some crying. Christian walked in very unexpectedly and caught me. We had a very heartfelt talk and it really helped me so much, he probably doesn't realize how much actually. Afterwards I got to thinking how blessed I am that this incredible young man is going to be Kendall's husband! My heart is so full of peace knowing he will be by her side through life and it brings such joy to my heart. Now if that isn't a blessing, I don't know what is!

We got the whole family there finally!

Off he goes to take on the Big Apple!
(insert tear)

Coconut Toasting Continues...

The boob squisher!

So I finished my 8 HDR Accuboost treatments (aka boob squishers). This was the treatment that put me in a mammogram-type device (aka torture device) and did spot radiation. The good part of those was that I didn't get any skin irritation or burning from it and really didn't feel any fatigue. 

2 of my awesome technicians
and my new "home" for the
next 25 treatments

Last week I started the regular radiation treatments and I will have 25 of these. Once again, I just have to say that the people working in radiation, from my wonderful Dr. Yashar to the incredible technicians, are the nicest people you could ask for. They go above and beyond to make you feel welcome and so well taken care of. Since everyone goes every day you start seeing familiar faces in the waiting area. You make eye contact and even get a head nod or even a hello now and then. The really cool thing is that when you do your last treatment they read this cute little poem thats on the wall and you get to ring this big bell, then everyone applauds. My last day is going to be on March 18th if everything stays on track.

Research and Decisions Continued

I am still busy doing research trying to find the correct doctor for a second opinion. It takes a lot of time and now that I am back to work, it is a bit challenging. I made an agreement with myself that I will not get on the computer for research in the evenings. I am fond of sleeping so I am trying to not do things in the evening that disrupts that! ;o) My motto is "Don't let your worries about tomorrow keep you from enjoying your today!" AMEN!!!

Blessings and Surprises!

Adolfo and Eva

SURPRISE!

Each and every day I find so many blessings but there are certainly some that truly stand out! One of those happened last Monday. Kendall kidnapped me and took me to an undisclosed destination. When I walked in I was surprised to find 6 of my beautiful girls from Mexico. Not many of them have visas to cross the border so the rest of them wrote beautiful letters to me. The girls were standing there with matching shirts on with my face on them, I can't say I have ever seen my face on a shirt before! I was completely blown away (okay, and a little embarrassed) but little did I know there was more to come...Adolfo (our wonderful host) cooked for 2 days to prepare a wonderful meal for us. After the letters were translated to me and we feasted on our yummy food I was taken into the family room to watch a beautiful slide show the girls had made as a tribute to me. They explained that I had taught them to have dreams and goals, to believe in themselves and to know that anything is possible. They also said that I taught them to give to others and they wanted to do the same. They made the shirts and about 25 women went to different schools and gave free haircuts to the children. They did this in my name to honor me. Needless to say, I was completely speechless and touched beyond words. I still can't believe this really happened and I just keep thinking I am going to wake up and it was all just a dream. My heart swelled so large that I thought it was going to explode. I am honored and touched by these incredible women...I am truly blessed to have them in my lives. They are certainly mi familia! 

Even Kendall and I were given shirts and of course my sweet
Julianne arranged this whole thing!

My wonderful Group 5 aka "5er Breathing Dragons"

More Blessings 

Serving with Kendall and Christian
makes it all the better. SO proud of them!

Confirmation retreat was incredible, seeing these kids grow during these 2 years is like watching a beautiful flower bloom. It is such a blessing to be a part of this journey with them!

Holding Heather and Mike's beautiful little Sloane
made my heart sing! Welcome to the world!

I am being brave here...this is what I look like without
my wig. I am trying to not get too attached to it since
it will all fall out again if I do more chemo. Can you
believe how gray I am!?!?