Goodbye Kool-Aide!

Yesterday I finished my 4th and final A/C treatment (which Danielle has loving termed Kool-Aide since the A part of the AC is red...it is called the Red Devil and we did not like that!!!). That completes 16 rounds of chemo for me and now I begin the waiting and growing stronger period for surgery (Dec 30). Isn't it awesome that I get the month of December off from treatments!!!  

A day full of surprises and love...We started the morning, before even leaving the house, by the kids (including Christian of course) and Joe giving me a surprise. They gave me a beautiful diamond ring and card with so many incredible sentiments. I am told this ring is "part one" for me completing part one of all of this! I have a few more waiting for me. What a loving thing to do and my heart is so touched by it...I am a very blessed women to have such an incredible family!

Then I had a beautiful necklace waiting on my doorstep from my dear friend Deana. I feel like I can share this now, I didn't want to say anything because I know she gets embarrassed but too bad. Deana has had a gift waiting on my porch every single morning when I leave for my treatments...yes, all 16 trips! Each one had so much thought and creativity to them and they made my day each and every time. I could feel her arms wrapped around me in love and I felt like she was with me every trip! I am so touched by her kindness and friendship.

Treatment time...SO, I had the whole gang with me for this last visit! The kids started out with me for our early morning start and then Joe and Josie (Joe's mom) came to join the gang...there were 7 of us, lovingly crammed into the treatment room! They were so accommodating to us and we even got a nice window seat. I even got one of my favorite nurses Nakia!  Danielle had a fun little surprise for me, she made her own "IV bag" to hang on the pole along side my meds! The nurses got such a kick out of it. The time went by so fast. The kids and I played Crazy Eights (having to use the animal sounds of the animals on the cards) and then a few fun rounds of Old Maid (we have all learned we have terrible poker faces with this). The time flew by so fast and next thing I knew I was DONE!

ALL DONE!

Celebratory Lunch...Afterwards we all met my brother John and sister in law Kathleen at Cucina Enoteca in Del Mar for lunch to celebrate. We had so many fun tapas and lots of great visiting and catching up. No matter how much time you get it is never enough. They live in Arizon so I don't get to see them as much as I would like to. They were extremely kind and surprised us by treating us all to this yummy lunch. My only regret beside it not being enough time was that I forgot to take a photo with them...argh! Take my word for it, they looked wonderful! Loved this time together.

Blessings

Gosh, I could make this list so long if I go back to the beginning on June 9 but I will keep it pared down to the last few days for you. Thanksgiving was wonderful. We normally open our home up to friends that don't have family in town but with my need for low exposure to germs we decided to keep it simple and just be our little family of 7. I would say we wanted to make it a quiet day but with this bunch it never is...I love that about us! ;o) Such a blessing to look around my table and see the faces of my little family and feel the love we all have for each other. They have all been so great and supportive through this and trust me when I say I haven't made it easy all the time. 

My Scripps Prayer Group...SO another surprise I got yesterday was from my Scripps Prayer Group. My dear friend Janet brought me a box of cards from some of the wonderful ladies in our group. I saved them and brought them to my last treatment to read while I was there. Much to my surprise they were each filled with money and gift cards to help me with what they all know I love best...to be able to reach out and help someone else! They could not have thought of a better gift for me! They know I will want to bring Christmas to the family Tease built a home for down in Mexico and they also know our family adopts a family on our side of the border every year. Of course with me not working much these last few months and won't be able to at all after surgery for awhile they wanted to take the pressure off for reaching out to these families. They know my heart so well and they have huge hearts of gold themselves. I hope I can find the words to express my gratitude to them all for this and I CAN'T WAIT TO GO SHOPPING FOR THESE FAMILIES!!! Yippee, shopping spree time! 

So many of my dear friends have been such blessings the last few months and I hope you know what every text message, card in the mail, prayers, words of encouragement, surprises dropped off, rosaries being said, FB message, meals and anything else I am forgetting at this moment have meant to me and how much strength and hope you have given me. This is a long journey that is about 1/2 way done now and between all of you and the Grace of God I am sitting here typing my thanks and feeling so hopeful for complete healing and purification of my body. I ask to live a long life here to make myself worthy of all of these blessings.

Prayers

You all tell me you like when I specify my prayer requests so here you go...

• Dec 9 Alicia Gelaro will be accompanying me on my consultation with my surgeon. Please pray that I will decide what God is pointing me to (at this moment I am being directed to a bi-lateral mastectomy) and that my doctor will be behind me 100% when I explain my reasons why.
• Please pray that this last round of AC will obliterate any possible remaining cancer cells in my body and that I will be NED (no evidence of disease) on Dec 30!
• Please pray for the 2 families that we are taking care of this December. We have our family in Mexico, the Perez family that Tease built the house for.  Our family here in the US lost the young father just this last Nov 16 to a heart attack leaving a wife and 4 kids 7 and under. We hope to bring them some joy and support by having strangers they will never meet bring them some help.

May you all have a blessed time preparing for your holidays and I will keep you posted, especially after December 9th to let you know the game plan. To be continued...

Danielle took a break and went jogging and
made an appearance outside my window seat!

 Danielle always finds a way to make treatments entertaining!

Danielle's idea of an IV!

Uno Mas!

Alex decided to be the
Wolverine for #3

Yup, one more to go for my rounds of AC!!!  My #3 visit was extremely entertaining. I had Danielle and Cameron with me. At one point I asked for some saltine crackers (they help with the nausea) and they got the great idea to keep me busy watching them have a contest as to who could eat 6 crackers in less than 1 minute. I have it on video but will spare you the gory details. Cam completed the task and as for Danielle? Let's just say it involved a nearby trash can and it wasn't pretty! It was certainly entertaining! Afterwards we went to La Jolla and had lunch at The Cottage and then some beach time for my Rosary. We had some beautiful peaceful time together and I will cherish it always.

#3 good to go!

Then off to Escondido because Danielle was picking up her new leased car to drive home! It was probably not the restful day I needed but I certainly slept well last night! Joe has been gone all week and comes home tomorrow and I hate to tell him how well I slept alone in the bed! lol

My last AC treatment will be the day after Thanksgiving. That means I will feel pretty good on Thanksgiving and should be able to enjoy the meal BUT it also means that my after treatment nausea will keep me from enjoying my favorite part..LEFTOVERS!! I am sure I will still choke some down, just in small increments! Confession, I love cold stuffing!!

Blessings

This whole thing has been and continues to be such a journey for me. Finding out so much about myself, about life, deepening my faith and relationship with God. As with all journeys, new horizons and discoveries come along the way. I have reached a spot right now that I have been getting into talking with God verses always praying and definitely not praying as many "written" prayers but prayers of my own. So many "written" prayers seem to focus on dying and right now I am trying to stay strong and fight to live. To trust in Him and have faith in His healing. I know God's Will will be done but I do believe it is my job to believe that through Him all things are possible and that we must ask to be able to receive. I feel like through this time the "old Beth" is coming back to life (hopefully just the good parts of old Beth). I feel like I am dealing with things better and being able to find more peace with things. I also feel like I am not just trying to get through a day but live it...and to its fullest with so much more gratitude. I have some huge decisions ahead of me and I am just letting God take it all for now. I know that He is pointing me in the right direction along this path and on December 9th when I meet with the surgeon one last time I have faith that the right decision will be made...and I will have peace with it. So many of you have let me know that you really like it when I get specific about what I would like you to pray for. With that in mind, I ask for continued prayers that my tumor/s will be NED (no evidence of disease) at the time of surgery. And I pray to see God's clear signs about my surgery decision. I also would love for you to pray for my surgeon that she too will be directed by God with what is best for me. Thank you my prayer warriors, I truly feel all of your prayers!

I love this picture of Cam coming out of the cave with the sea lion behind him in the opening

 Beautiful day in La Jolla with these two, I am so blessed!

Danielle and her new ride!

Another Week Off!

A sight for sore eyes!

I am trying to make the most of my time off now that the treatments are every other week. I am still working but there is plenty of time to get out and have some fun. The big news is Cameron is home! He flew in last Tuesday night and it sure is great to have him here. He has really grown into a wonderful, loving man and I couldn't be more proud. It looks like he will be staying through February to be able to play a role in a play up in the LA area. I will post more info as soon as contracts are signed and I have permission! 

So I was told I would start seeing a pattern of my good days and bad days after treatment and boy have I ever! I get the infusion on Thursdays and by Friday afternoon it starts for me. First the nausea and bad taste in my mouth start up. It is like having morning sickness 24/7. Its not like it comes in waves...it just stays from Friday afternoon until Wednesday! After that it slowly goes away and by Monday of the following week it's pretty much gone...just in time to go back Thursday and start over again! I have learned that I have to eat small meals/snacks 5 to 6 times a day so I don't get myself too full. The other part is the head game. I guess between the AC and the steroids this is expected. The depression and bad thoughts creep in and are VERY hard to control on those tough days as well. Getting out and not staying home feeling sorry for myself helps a lot but I need to be extra careful with germs right now. In fact I have a little cold right now that I think Cameron was kind enough to share with me.

Surgery

I still have not made a final decision on my surgery. Lumpectomy verses mastectomy! The doctors want to do a lumpectomy and heaven knows I would rather recover from that but I want to make the right decision for down the road. No matter what I decide it does not help my survival from my current triple negative, removing my breasts will not help me if there are rogue cells in my body. I see 2 parts to this decision though. Of course what I just said is part one of that but part two is that I DON'T WANT TO GET BREAST CANCER AGAIN!!! I feel like I have known since I was in my 20s that it was a matter of time that this would happen and if I leave all that tissue there then it is just a matter of time until it happens again. I just don't know what to do and will be meeting again with the surgeon to discuss it one more time. Please continue to pray that God gives me good questions and that the doctor gives me good answers and of course that He makes my path clear as to what I am supposed to decide. 

Going, Going, Gone...

So they were right, the AC pretty much finishes off the whole "hair falling out thing!" I only have a few measly little wisps of hair on my head which Cameron keeps offering to buzz off for me. I am sure I will let him do it at some point but right now what I have helps keep my head warm at night. It is also a whole lot easier to pick up and throw away hair that is 4" long than the nubs of buzzed hair! We will see...not sure I am ready to look like Telly Savalas yet! Along with the hair loss means that my eyebrows and eyelashes are slowly disappearing. That makes me sad, you don't realize how much they help until they are gone. The eyebrows are a much easier fix since you really can't do anything about the lashes. I feel like I look sleepy without them or like I've been crying. It is so hard to not feel like your body is slowly disintegrating from all of this. From skin changes, digestive things, hair, and many things I will spare you the details of. It certainly is very humbling to say the least.

Well, I will post again at some point after next Thursday. I will have both Danielle and Cameron there this time and I hope Moores is prepared for that! Frick and Frack will definitely make it interesting for us all! ;o)  Thanks for your prayers and for taking the time to share the journey with me!

 Wendy and I grabbed coffee bobas and headed to the zoo. Look at this great shot she captured of the giraffe spitting water!









It was a week for "old" friends (and I mean that I have known them a long time...not a comment about their ages!). Some of my dear old high school friends went on a brewery tasting crawl in honor of Greg's birthday and I was able to meet up on their last stop at Intergalactic. It was great to be with them of course and fun to check out a Westview grads' place. Alex Van Horne, that went to school with Kendall, opened it up and I am told the beer is awesome...you should check it out!
Joe and I went to the Carlsbad street fair and I ran into my favorite roommate Bonnie (okay, I only had one roommate but she was clearly my favorite!). We lived together when we worked at Disneyland and it was so great to see her!

Good thing Christian never gets cold! Hee-hee

Lastly, a little Halloween fun for y'all! I helped create Kendall and Christian's mermaid and merman outfits. Kendall did an amazing job on their makeup by using a fine net to paint over, to create a scale effect. They attended Adam Lambert's Ghost Town Halloween Party up in LA with Danielle and her boyfriend Casey. They all had a blast and there are more photos on both girl's Facebook pages.

Danielle did the saloon girl thing to stay with
Adam's Ghost Town theme. Her gun and holster
are gold of course!