Mom's Update
12 hours later and she is home! This is Kendall by the way, reporting on behalf of my mom. She wanted to make sure you all had an appropriate update...not one written while she is still coming off the anesthesia (which I might add is awesome!).
What a day today was, but it was wonderful having everyone there for it.  Dad (Joe), Christian and I took her in at 7:15am to sign papers, then off to her needle marking at Moores.  We then got to ride in a sweet golf cart back over to the hospital for her die injection at radiology for some imagining.  There, Nana, Cameron, and Danielle were able to meet up with us.  This was when the waiting game started and the shifts began.  We each were able to spend some time with her before the procedure in the pre-op room.  The anesthesiologist had to put a block injection into her back...4 times...and she said the last two were terrible! She said she pictured a long BBQ pronged fork poking into her back YIKES!  She's one tough cookie though considering she had about 4 other good pokes along the way before that.  We were able to all come in right before they took her back for a quick prayer.  Such a blessing they allowed us in to do this!
Procedure News
Here comes the GOOD NEWS: Nothing was found in her lymph nodes during the lumpectomy biopsy.  How do you like those fancy words?! So this means the surgery went as planned and no further steps had to be taken.  The tumor was taken out successfully. The surgeon called about 2 hours later to let us know how well she did and how PLEASED she was with the results.  Praise the Lord.
Blessings
Last night my mom was able to swing into church before heading home.  She said when she walked in she felt and overwhelming sense of peace from the Holy Spirit.  It was so welcoming and calming.  What a gift. Today's blessings are for mom's health and a successful surgery!  She is such a strong woman (as we know) inside and out.  To watch her go through all of that today was an act of bravery and courage.  I am beyond blessed to call her mom and have her as an example in my life.  Mary (mother Mary that is) was definitely with her and the operating crew today.  We couldn't be happier with her outcome.  Another blessing for her today was that we didn't take any funny recordings of her after the procedure! HA! We were threatened to not film or torment her because in her words "I am a revengeful person!".  So we just enjoyed the post anesthesia Beth to ourselves :)
Prayers
After waking up my mom said "God is awesome all the time, and all the time God is awesome".  I couldn't agree more with that! As always, prayer warriors keep up those prayers for an easy and smooth recovery.  I ask that you pray for good results from the biopsy, there is still more we need to find out.  These next few weeks are going to be tricky with everyone having to be at work and her home alone.  I pray that she stays positive and can continue to lean on God for his strength.  Thank you to all of you who have her in your prayers.
Love,
Kendall

Count Down

First of all Merry Christmas. I hope you all had a lovely time and that you were all surrounded by loved ones and happiness!  I certainly made the most of my time off from chemo! It was such a gift to have the timing play out that I would have the month of December off. I was able to work and even more importantly, really enjoy and soak in this blessed holiday!

All 3 kids were home and that is such a great feeling. I think that would be my definition of peace. Knowing that all 3 of my "babies" are safely under my roof sleeping...I go to bed with a smile on my face and in my heart! 

Even though I was in the middle of enjoying the season I still had to go for a few appointments. I had my labs done, my port flushed and got all checked out and approved by the anesthesia office. I brought Kendall along to be my second set of ears for the instructions. 

I worked today and I will do the same tomorrow. It is good to keep my mind busy so I don't dwell on the upcoming surgery Wednesday. I am supposed to check in at 7:15 and there is a bunch of stuff they do to me first. I get some sort of needle place in the tumor area, they direct it through an ultra sound. Then I go to radiology to get dye injected in me. After that it is upstairs to meet with Dr Wallace and get prepped for surgery. I guess it takes about 3 hours for the surgery itself. I won't know if I am coming home or not until afterwards. If I needed my lymph nodes out then I will have to stay over. Kendall will post on the blog that night so you will all know what is going on. I feel pretty calm, I have handed it all over to God and I try to not worry myself with things I cannot control. 

Blessings

Yes, Christmas was certainly a blessing. Having the kids here, having time off to feel good and pretty darn normal was incredible. The gifts for our Mexico family were delivered by Julianne from Build a Miracle and I received an awesome photo montage on Facebook from the mother, Cecilia. They all looked so happy and I cannot wait to be able to go down there and visit with them and to hold their new baby Clairita!

Our gift wrapping party is always a
highlight for me!

We surrounded their tree with gifts

Our other adopted family's gift drop off went great as well. Although poor Danielle got delayed in Aspen and missed it, everything else went smoothly. We share this with our "other family" the Brillantes'. We all shop and then gather on the night of the 23rd. After stuffing ourselves with pizza we get around to having a gift wrapping extravaganza! The next morning on the 24th we headed down to Chula Vista to the house. We were let in by a friend while the family was taken out to breakfast. They had such a humble, clean house and you could feel the love in it. The mom had sight words around for the kids to help with reading and there were photos lovingly displayed of their dad/husband that they just lost a little over a month ago. We were so happy to see that they had a Christmas tree and we quickly started bringing in the gifts to stuff their stockings and fill their little living room. When we were done we gathered in a circle and held hands while we said a prayer for them all, it has become a tradition that we do before we leave. I have been sent some photos and a few short videos of them when they returned home. I will always treasure the sound of the 7 year old when he first saw it all. First he said, "this can't be possible" and then he ran around with his arms extended as if he were trying to soak it all in. The laughter that came out of him was complete joy...I tear up when I hear it and have it in my memory bank so deeply that I can hear it in my head without even playing the video! I hope that we were able to bring them all some much needed joy! I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate this blessed holiday! I thank you all that contributed to making it all be able to happen!

Prayers

Okay, let's get down to it...I humbly ask that you all pray that my surgery goes well and that I don't have to have lymph nodes taken out. Not only do I want to come home Wednesday night, more importantly it would be great that the cancer did not spread to them. I could really use some good news! Of course if they remove a lot it opens other cans of worms as well, lymphedema (swelling) would be one of them. I would also like to ask all of you to start praying that I will get a good report on January 11th and 12th. I will get pathology results on the 11th from the surgeon but on the 12th the oncologist will tell me what that actually means for me and the game plan. I would love to hear that the tumor was either without cancer (best case scenario) or that it was so minuscule that I will not need more chemo! Please my prayer warriors, let those prayers fly! You are all such a blessing to me and I appreciate you all for reading my ramblings and for your prayers.

Merry Christmas from our home to yours!

Test Results and More Info

Tired of test but thankful for
great medical care!

Since I blogged last I went and saw my oncologist, Dr Parker, and also got a mammogram and ultra sound. First of all Dr Parker said there are still way too many variables to discuss additional chemo or get myself convinced that I will have it. Until the pathology reports come back there is no need to get my head all wrapped around that (my wording). I will get those results from Dr Wallace when I see her on the 11th but then see Dr Parker on the 12th to discuss what those results mean for me and my plan after surgery. Even if there is still some disease in there it doesn't necessarily mean more chemo. Dr Parker just got back from a national conference and says that this may not be the coarse for me. One thing I know for sure is that I will have radiation 5 times a week for 6 weeks. I think my car will learn to drive itself there with that many trips!!! ;o)

Next, I went in for a mammogram and ultra sound. Afterward the very nice radiologist came in and gave me some very promising news...finally my turn for some promising news!  Woo-hoo! He said that originally my tumor measured 2.2-2.5cm. The recent MRI measured it at 1.9cm and he now gets a measurement of less than 1cm!  I know I am not comparing apples to apples with the means of measurement but I like this news and I going with it! It has filled my heart with hope and it feels great! I have gotten twinges of pain in the tumor area ever since starting chemo and I truly feel it is the tumor shrinking, I am still getting those twinges and just know it is all still working along with God's touch! I have 2 weeks from today for my surgery so let's keep those prayers flowing that it will keep shrinking and DIE!!!  Be gone with you cancer...I am done with you!  ;o) 

Blessings

I have been so filled with joy being able to shop for our 2 adopted families. I know I only mentioned one last time but we also have our family down in Mexico that Tease sponsored and built a home for. It is the tradition for the home sponsors to go down and visit their families at Christmas time and bring some gifts for them. Although I am unable to travel down there right now I couldn't possibly skip sending some gifts their way along with my love and show of support. This is all possible with thanks to my incredible prayer group in Scripps. They knew that nothing brings me more joy than doing things for other people and they generously made this possible and worry free for me with their support and generosity. They are all involved with Build a Miracle and were well aware of this tradition. What a lovely distraction for me to be able to go out and shop for our Mexico family and without the worry of the financial burden. They are all true angels in my life and I love and thank them all!

Our other family I mentioned last time is through Little Tommy and KYXY. We have been doing this for quite a few years now. The parents met while working for TSA, they married and had 4 beautiful children. They wanted the mom to be able to stay home with the kids so she stopped working and dad picked up a second job. They were only in their 30s with 4 children ages 7 and under when last month the father suffered a heart attack. He survived a few days but after no hope, had to be removed from life support and passed away on November 16th. We take care of the families every year with our dear friends the Brillantes family. We never meet our family nor them us. We secretly work with their letter writer to gather info and then on Christmas Eve morning (the best way I could ever think to spend my birthday) we go to the house and set everything up while they are away! I now know what it feels like to be Santa! I asked my wonderful clients to forgo Christmas gifts or tips for me and to just donate to "the cause". They have been so generous and again the burden has been eased so I can shop without guilt of spending money when my income has been cut so much during this time. I am so blessed to have my life filled with so many generous people!

I have heard from many of you as to how you can help this family. I appreciate and welcome any and all help. I think the best thing you can do would be to buy them a gift card. I would love to give the mom gift cards to help her in the coming months. She shops at Target, Sprouts and Walmart for groceries and clothes for the kids. She loves The Gap and gets gas at Arco and Chevron. Any of these or anywhere else would be wonderful! If you are looking to help someone out this time of year and want to do this it would be FANTASTIC!!! I just need them by the 23rd please.

Keep up those prayers my prayer warriors and I pray for all of you as well. You are true friends and I thank you for your prayers, support and encouragement. I hope you are all enjoying this blessed season! XOXO

Here are some photos of things that have been going on in my life. 

You find the strangest things when shopping.
Danielle says it is the Caitlyn Jenner doll!

Getting back to my walks.
This is my thug look!

Had my wonderful salon family over
for dinner and fun!

We got to go see my "other son"
in concert and even had a lovely
visit afterward. SO wonderful
seeing him and his mom (aka my friend)
Leila!

The Decision...

Today certainly held an awful lot of information! Joe was out of town so my dear friend Alicia came with me (and it was even her birthday today!). She is great at asking intelligent questions and absorbing information so I knew she was a great choice. We met with my surgeon, Dr Ann Wallace, to go over my MRI results and to discuss my surgery options. 

MRI - if you remember, my last MRI that was between my Taxol and AC treatments didn't show really any reduction in the size of my tumor. Well last Monday's MRI only shows that it shrunk about 1/2 of it's original size.  Now the "my cup is half empty" attitude is sad because that probably means more chemo for me. We won't know for sure until after surgery and pathology reports are back but I need to realize that there is a very good chance that I am facing more chemo. The "my cup is half full" attitude says yippee, at least the chemo did something and I can hope that it has killed any possible rogue cells any where else. And hey, 1/2 is better than nothing at all!  I cannot let my mind even start thinking about the chemo...I truly feel like I am not going to be able to drag myself in there again and first things first...I need to get myself ready for my surgery that is right around the corner!

Surgery - Well, I said that I was keeping my mind and heart open to be directed to the right decision and let me tell you...when you do that you just never know where it will lead you. I was absolutely 100% sure that I was going in today to talk my doctor into a bi-lateral mastectomy. Dr Wallace was absolutely amazing with us. She spent at least an hour in there and just sat in a chair talking with us and gave us her undivided attention. She spoke with great compassion and I have the utmost confidence in her advice. Here are the key points from that conversation and why I have decided to have a lumpectomy.

• Having a bi-lateral or uni-lateral mastectomy (that is done properly) is like recovering from a amputation. It throws the body into a massive recovery mode that compromises the immune system and everything else. It could also compromise my body's ability to fight any possible cancer cells elsewhere
• Of course my recovery time would be longer and that would postpone me starting chemo and radiation
• I could possibly never be back to 100% as far as my ability to do what I do for a living again
• I wanted a mastectomy because I was worried about getting breast cancer again. I was trying to avoid a cancer I may never get when the important thing for me to do is to fight the cancer I have right now. The best way to do that is to give my body a fighting chance and that is to go with a lumpectomy
• She explained that she would lose sleep over my decision of a mastectomy because she knows that is not the right path for me and my care

Dr Wallace is the head of breast surgery at UCSD and I am beyond blessed to be under her care and that of my oncologist, Barbara Parker, who is the head of oncology there. I have to trust in them and their advice. 

So that's about it for today. I am not going to lie, I am a bit sad and disappointed that my tumor didn't disappear and that I didn't get some miraculous news today. Just more lessons and messages from God are waiting for me I guess. The journey continues...

Blessings (some times they are mixed blessings)

So I am sure most of you have heard about Jimmy Carter's success with his cancer. He has been receiving immune therapy and his cancer has disappeared. Well, awhile back I found out about a clinical trial for triple negative breast cancer patients that involves an immunization. I have been communicating with the immunologist that is doing the research and in order to be considered for his study, I have to have disease left in my tumor at the time of surgery. I honestly feel this type of treatment is the way of the future with curing cancer and even though my news today was not what I had hoped it to be at least it puts me closer to maybe being able to receive this immunization. I know there are no guarantees with me getting into the study but this makes it a possibility for me.  I am just trying to find a silver lining in all of this. 

Prayers

I know so many of you like me to be specific with my prayer requests about my recovery. It is hard for me to come up with that right now. My mind is just spinning out of control with all of the information today. I will just leave it up to all of you for now if that okay. 

I would however like to ask all of you to pray for the family we have adopted for Christmas. They sadly just lost the father/husband to a heart attack last month so it is just the mom and 4 kids ages 7 and under. I can't even begin to imagine the sorrow they must all be experiencing and I hope that we can bring them some unexpected joy this Christmas. 

May you all be enjoying this blessed season!