Radiation-less Week!

Yup, I graduated from radiation! 8 boosts to start with followed by 25 "regular" sessions, equalling 33 appointments (notice how I did the math for you there!). I am all done and my coconut is officially toasted. They told me that the burning would continue to build during the week following, much like I was still getting treatments, but I did not experience that. In fact it has already started healing. I am peeling and the edges look like I am dirty...lovely! ;o) They also told me to expect fatigue but I can't say I suffered from that either. All in all, this was by far the easiest part of all of this and my car practically drives itself to UCSD now. I wish I had to do more radiation instead of chemo!

I think a good part of what made this the easiest part is that I loved my doctor, Dr Yashar, and I loved all of the wonderful techs that took care of me! They were the sweetest each and every day. What a blessing they all were. On one of my appointments I was laying on the table and I told them (okay, I bragged to them...whatever) that Cameron was Gaston and that we were seeing him perform that weekend. One of the girls excitedly said that he was the second person she had met that had worked as a Disney character since her college friend played a character in Florida. I laid there and asked myself whether I should share my history...I decided to go for it and said, "actually you have met 3." I then told her of my Snow White past and that I truly married Prince Charming. They loved it but it meant I had to dig up an old photo to show them. Well...on my "graduation" day all of the techs working that day all took me out to ring the bell in the lobby and then they presented me with a very special, one of a kind, certificate!

Unfortunately when my friend Wendy and I went out to the parking lot, I discovered I had locked the keys in the car! Yes I did! I was in Cam's car since she and I went on a bike ride in Coronado that morning. We got to celebrate by waiting for an hour for AAA.

My beautiful set of rings from
my family is now complete.
I just love them for thinking
of doing this for me!
SO blessed!

The next chapter in all of this will be on April 15th. I will be seeing a specialist in NY for some input on this chemo decision. No, I am not flying back there just for this. Our family is traveling back to join Cameron for a last "Sczempka vacation" since Kendall is tying the knot soon! I thought that if I could get the pieces to fall into place with seeing her while I was there then it was meant to be. Guess God had it in His plans for me because they made time in the doctors schedule to fit me in. Please keep me in your prayers for a great appointment and total clarity on this next step.

Blessings

So something hit me today. I said something along the lines of, "I have cancer" and I realized that I need to believe and buy into that I DON'T have cancer any longer. I mean the surgeon removed the cancer that we knew I had and the radiation has now made sure that any linger cells in that area are killed off. Technically I AM CANCER FREE and that felt wonderful! I guess it never really hit me before now. I AM CANCER FREE! That sounds and feels wonderful. I need to just keep focusing on that and enjoy it. After all, this second round of chemo is precautionary and I am going to only think of it that way. 

These last few days have been filled with so much enlightenment and joy. I have been overcome with a sense of peace and growth. I am sure that being Holy Week has helped with that. May you all have a beautiful and blessed Easter!

Quick Update

Not much to tell but Joe and I met with my oncologist yesterday. She is willing to do more chemo for me and has offered 2 choices. One is carboplatin and the other is Xeloda. The first is an infusion like my others and would be done at the infusion center through my port (aka Arnold the Terminator). The second is in pill form and something I would do at home/work. There is more research and results with the carboplatin in this setting but what I read is that it is more successful with BRCA+ patients and I am not. I have a lot of research to do still but have time for it since I need to wait a minimum of 2 weeks after radiation finishes (which is this Friday!!!). My doctor is out of town the 3rd week and I am out town the 4th week so it looks like a month before things get started. We are running a blood test on me to make sure I can have the Xeloda. I guess a small percentage of people don't have a certain enzyme that is needed for it. That could make my mind up for me!

That's really it for now. Please pray for clarity for me so I know what to do here. It is so hard to CHOOSE which chemo to have when you don't particularly WANT it...I just know it is a good idea and will make me feel like I did everything I could do. I guess this is like the saying, "Pick you poison!" lol

Home Stretch

I am so sorry I have been so bad about blogging on here. Between going all the way to UCSD in La Jolla every weekday and going back to work part time, it has really tied me up. I am still good about not going on the computer about cancer stuff from the late afternoon into the evening so finding time to do this has been a challenge!

Is this a remote control or what?
They use this to position to table
I lay on for radiation.

I officially have 5 more radiation treatments to go! I started with 33 total and as of next Friday, March 18th I will be all done with that phase of things!  All in all it has gone pretty smoothly. It helps that everyone there in the radiation department are wonderful! My coconut is pretty darn toasted at this point but the girls there tell me that I am doing well. I am told that the skin irritation will continue to progress for about 5 more days after treatment finishes though. Other than the driving every day it has been the easiest part of all of this so far.

There really isn't much to update you on either. Just kind of the same old routine as I get this radiation done and behind me. I will be going to see my oncologist next Tuesday to discuss further chemo. I am pushing for it because I feel I should throw a little more at this since my tumor was not free of disease at the time of surgery. As much as I don't want more chemo, I want to give this my best shot! I will certainly update everyone as soon as I make a decision. 

Great Distractions

Having a little fun with Gaston.
He beats up LeFou all through
the play so I was getting him
back!

I had a blast having Cameron here and it was so much fun being able to see him play Gaston again! The only bad part was that I got to see so much of him his last few weeks here that now I am having withdrawal symptoms from him being gone. He is back in New York hitting the audition scene. I am so happy he is there pursuing his dream since he walked away from it to be here with me. Now he just needs to get on Broadway so I can go see him in a show again!!!

Kendall and Christian's wedding is just 5 months away and we are in full wedding prep around here. It is so much fun and keeps me in a positive spirit! Having distractions like Cam's show and the wedding are so healthy for me.

Blessings

Decision times during all of this are always my toughest moments and this is a huge decision time with more chemo and what kind. During these times it is always harder to pull myself out of the "mire" and spot my blessings. Don't get me wrong, I am so appreciative of being alive and I don't take that for granted for one minute! It is just harder to be inspired to sit down and write about it at these times. One thing in particular stands out though. The other day I was at home having a little pity party and doing some crying. Christian walked in very unexpectedly and caught me. We had a very heartfelt talk and it really helped me so much, he probably doesn't realize how much actually. Afterwards I got to thinking how blessed I am that this incredible young man is going to be Kendall's husband! My heart is so full of peace knowing he will be by her side through life and it brings such joy to my heart. Now if that isn't a blessing, I don't know what is!

We got the whole family there finally!

Off he goes to take on the Big Apple!
(insert tear)

Coconut Toasting Continues...

The boob squisher!

So I finished my 8 HDR Accuboost treatments (aka boob squishers). This was the treatment that put me in a mammogram-type device (aka torture device) and did spot radiation. The good part of those was that I didn't get any skin irritation or burning from it and really didn't feel any fatigue. 

2 of my awesome technicians
and my new "home" for the
next 25 treatments

Last week I started the regular radiation treatments and I will have 25 of these. Once again, I just have to say that the people working in radiation, from my wonderful Dr. Yashar to the incredible technicians, are the nicest people you could ask for. They go above and beyond to make you feel welcome and so well taken care of. Since everyone goes every day you start seeing familiar faces in the waiting area. You make eye contact and even get a head nod or even a hello now and then. The really cool thing is that when you do your last treatment they read this cute little poem thats on the wall and you get to ring this big bell, then everyone applauds. My last day is going to be on March 18th if everything stays on track.

Research and Decisions Continued

I am still busy doing research trying to find the correct doctor for a second opinion. It takes a lot of time and now that I am back to work, it is a bit challenging. I made an agreement with myself that I will not get on the computer for research in the evenings. I am fond of sleeping so I am trying to not do things in the evening that disrupts that! ;o) My motto is "Don't let your worries about tomorrow keep you from enjoying your today!" AMEN!!!

Blessings and Surprises!

Adolfo and Eva

SURPRISE!

Each and every day I find so many blessings but there are certainly some that truly stand out! One of those happened last Monday. Kendall kidnapped me and took me to an undisclosed destination. When I walked in I was surprised to find 6 of my beautiful girls from Mexico. Not many of them have visas to cross the border so the rest of them wrote beautiful letters to me. The girls were standing there with matching shirts on with my face on them, I can't say I have ever seen my face on a shirt before! I was completely blown away (okay, and a little embarrassed) but little did I know there was more to come...Adolfo (our wonderful host) cooked for 2 days to prepare a wonderful meal for us. After the letters were translated to me and we feasted on our yummy food I was taken into the family room to watch a beautiful slide show the girls had made as a tribute to me. They explained that I had taught them to have dreams and goals, to believe in themselves and to know that anything is possible. They also said that I taught them to give to others and they wanted to do the same. They made the shirts and about 25 women went to different schools and gave free haircuts to the children. They did this in my name to honor me. Needless to say, I was completely speechless and touched beyond words. I still can't believe this really happened and I just keep thinking I am going to wake up and it was all just a dream. My heart swelled so large that I thought it was going to explode. I am honored and touched by these incredible women...I am truly blessed to have them in my lives. They are certainly mi familia! 

Even Kendall and I were given shirts and of course my sweet
Julianne arranged this whole thing!

My wonderful Group 5 aka "5er Breathing Dragons"

More Blessings 

Serving with Kendall and Christian
makes it all the better. SO proud of them!

Confirmation retreat was incredible, seeing these kids grow during these 2 years is like watching a beautiful flower bloom. It is such a blessing to be a part of this journey with them!

Holding Heather and Mike's beautiful little Sloane
made my heart sing! Welcome to the world!

I am being brave here...this is what I look like without
my wig. I am trying to not get too attached to it since
it will all fall out again if I do more chemo. Can you
believe how gray I am!?!?

Toasting the Coconuts...

The booby smasher...at least
I get a nice new robe!

My sweet Rachel

Although radiation got postponed to this week instead of last it has officially started! The doctor decided that due to my triple negative breast cancer that it would be safer to really go after any possible cancer cells in an aggressive way. I am having HDR Accuboost for the first 8 treatments and then the remaining 25 will be "regular" radiation. This HDR thing is sooooo much fun! They put you in a contraption much like a mammogram machine. Then they snap in these little metal discs on each side and hook those up to a machine that the radiation comes from. I get to sit there with my tender, post surgery, breast (the biozorb thing that is in there really hurts when it gets squished too) for about 20 minutes!!! They do up and down one time then alternate with side to side squishing. The good news is that after about 5 minutes you start to go numb. What the heck does one do sitting there for that long? I am still trying to figure out what to do with my arms and legs not to mention my head. I am pretty much staring into a corner so I try to find different ways to entertain my mind. No coloring books for this one lol!!!

My technician Rachel is a real sweetie and plays whatever music I want during it. So far we did the 60s/70s and yesterday was the Beatles, not too bad. Everyone in the radiation department is beyond nice, and I love Dr Yashar as well. This part of journey seems to be the best yet since they are all so wonderful. 

Living Life

Joe took me to go see none other than....Donny Osmond at the Balboa. Yes, I was a huge D.O. fan growing up. I had wall to wall posters of him and his brothers all over my room and took a lot of crap for it from many of my friends! (you know who you are!) It was so much fun and he looks and sang amazing! My crush has reemerged! Joe was a trooper to take me and it was a fun blast to the past for sure! I think Joe even looks a little like Donny!

Still pretty darn cute!

I will be going back to work a little starting Feb 15. It is hard since I have radiation right in the middle of the day. I miss the girls at the salon and it will be great to be with them again!

I have had some fun times out with friends from lunches, the zoo, and even had breakfast today with my favorite priest, Father Jacob. He is doing great and it was wonderful to see him. He will be officiating Kendall and Christian's wedding! Thank you to all of my friends that have been encouraging me to get out, I have enjoyed every moment with you all!

Blessings

The blessing of learning patience has been the one I am receiving lately. I am anxious to make the big decision of more chemo or not and learning to trust that God will bring that answer in His time has been challenging. I do much better in the morning and early day time with it. I wake up feeling so positive and faith-filled but as the day goes on I start to disconnect and shut down. It's kind of like the "sun downers" old folks get I guess...not that I am an old folk YET!! I was praying this morning kind of "apologizing" to God about shutting down. I do it to the people around me and I also do it to Him. Then I read my Jesus Calling for today and I thought I would share that with you:

"Bring me your weakness and receive My Peace. Accept yourself and your circumstances just as they are, remembering that I am sovereign over everything. Do not wear yourself out with analyzing and planning. Instead let thankfulness and trust be your guides through this day; they will keep you close to Me..."

I will do my best to turn toward Him even more when I least feel up to it, I will bring him my weakness.

Fun day at the zoo learning how to us
my camera!

Wendy sitting in the kid's chairs
waiting for me at radiation

Step III...Radiation

Arms up and in you go!

Time for another step along this journey. Radiation time! I met with Dr Yashar (my oncology radiation doctor) and we got the ball rolling on all of this. They did a CT scan but this time it was much different. I had to put my hands over my head into a brace that held them there (it is a good thing I have been doing my stretches that OT gave me). Then they moved me back and forth through the donut shaped contraption. After that all the fun started lol. I got tattooed!!!  Yup, Beth that is not a fan of tattoos now has 4 little dots on my chest. These dots will play a big roll in how they align me up for the actual radiation. The tech put black ink on my skin and then poked a needle through it into my skin...yes it hurt/burned but it wasn't bad. Nothing like the nerve block before surgery...yikes!

Got 'inked" up!

It is amazing how scientific this part gets. The scans, measurements and photos (yes, more boobie pictures) are now evaluated and my plan gets designed. I will have 30 treatments 5 days a week. 5 of the treatments are "boosters" that involve something like a mammogram machine. I think they come first so I am dreading having my newly stitched breast compressed but a girl has to do what a girl has to do! ;o) I will go in this Wednesday morning at 6:30 am for more films and set up and the radiation will start the following day on Thursday. I guess I won't see many symptoms right away, they start to add up as time goes on. Tender, sensitive skin is what I hear. A little like a sunburn. My one good friend, that had this done, referred to it as toasting her coconut...I like that and am going to steal it! So I start getting a toasted coconut on Thursday. ;o) I guess fatigue is a common symptom from this but I hope to trudge through like the Ever Ready Bunny that I am! 

WARNING...I have been asked to not wear deodorant under my right arm until the 30 treatments are done so if you are going to stand next to me, I would choose the left side!! LOL

Decisions

After many discussions with Dr Parker and tons of research, I still have the big decision of whether I am going to push for more chemo after my radiation.  There are a lot of pros and cons to this and it is not a black and white situation. I have learned to not do research in the evenings, and I don't allow myself to do it every day. Kendall gave me some great advice that I need to quit demanding that God talk to me and give me the answers. I have laid my worry at his feet and trust in His hands and believe He will give me the right direction when the time is right. It truly helps me calm down about it. I did find a doctor/researcher in Texas that I emailed and he has agreed to a brief conversation over the phone on Monday. He cannot give me "medical advice" but I can certainly pick his brain about more chemo after radiation and what chemo he feels work the best. If I have to, I will fly down and see him for more answers.

Blessings

This time off has been very good for me. I haven't had down time like this in my adult life and it kind of scared me at first. It is a true blessing and I am healing in many more ways than just from the surgery! I humbly ask for your continued prayers for my clear direction with all of this. I certainly do not want to subject my body to more chemo but I want to kick this cancer with all that I can. My hair is starting to grow back (like a VERY short buzz cut) and my eyelashes and eyebrows are starting to make an appearance again. It will be sad to see them all fall out again but my little ray of sunshine, aka Kendall pointed out that it is proof how fast it will all come back again! Gotta love that kid! 

I leave you with a reading from my Jesus Calling book. It was from January 16th:

"As you anticipate what is ahead of you, you forget that I am with you-now and always. Rehearsing your troubles results in experiencing them many times, whereas you are meant to go through them only when they actually occur. Do not multiply your suffering in this way!"

The Decision Point

So Joe and I saw Dr Parker (my oncologist) this morning. She went over my pathology report with me and it had good news and not so good news. Of course we all hoped and prayed for no evidence of disease or "complete pathological response" to the chemo at the time of surgery. As we know this did not happen, it would have made a huge impact on my life expectancy as well as make these next decisions much more clear. The good news (that we already knew) was that it did respond to the chemo and shrunk to half it's size AND that there was no disease in any lymph nodes. This means if the chemo didn't completely kill the tumor then did it completely kill any possible rogue cells that are elsewhere in my body.

I came in with my guns (or I guess I should say my folder) fully loaded with research. I know that Dr Parker went to a symposium in December and that she highly regards information presented at that so that is where I did my research from. I brought in some documents I printed and highlighted from some of those presentations...and I happen to have chosen one from a doctor that she knows and respects!  This led to her offering to looking into the costs involved with further testing of my tumor to see what category it falls into. Of course insurance does not cover it since it is cutting edge research and not yet "approved by the FDA". It will tell me if my tumor is more or less receptive to the platinum drugs. If it is the type that is receptive then I may decided to move forward with a drug called carboplatin. UCSD is going to open a trial on this, for women just like me, that are just out of surgery and done with the "standard of care" treatment plan. I would not go into this study since I could get randomized out of it, she would just simply give it to me. She is also looking into the guidelines of the trial to see if it is given after radiation.  

In a nut shell there are still A LOT of variables out there before decisions can be made. This is exhausting!!!  It is so hard that nothing is cut and dry and that decisions aren't clear. I know that I also exhaust my doctor. I am sure that I am the only one that comes in and does this to her. I told her that I only get one shot at this and I want it to be the best shot I can give. I don't want "standard of care" I want cutting edge, push the envelope care. Of course she explained that with all chemo drugs comes a high level of toxicity and that complete consideration needs to be taken before adding another one. It also means I will have been in chemo for close to a year when all is said and done.

Of course I DON'T WANT more chemo but in the same breath I want to do what is best for the long run. I do not like the odds that only 60% of women with this go 10 years without a reoccurrence. So far odds have not played out well for me and I am not a gambler. She is supposed to call me when she gathers her info and we will make a decision at that point. 

I am scared and really could use your prayers for clarity for both me and my doctor. 

Healing

So and update on my healing from surgery...it is all going very well and I am happy with how I am doing. I can start driving a little now so that is a relief.  I still can't work for 4 more weeks though and need to come back slowly. Of course getting more chemo can certainly interfere with this but if I do get it there is a good chance it will be after my 6 weeks of radiation that would mean I wouldn't be done with chemo until mid July! Argh...that is a long time from now. From what I understand, that drug is given every 3 weeks for 6 treatments but that info is from the nurse and not the doctor so I could be wrong. I hope I am wrong and that it is a shorter amount of time! That would only give me a few weeks before Kendall's wedding to heal.  Either way, I will be there celebrating her day and dancing the night away!

Blessings

It has been a blessing to be able to be at home healing and I have actually done better than I thought I would with not going into work. Of course I miss it, I miss the wonderful women I work with and seeing all my clients and catching up with them. In the same breath I have been trying to make the most of my time off. It has been wonderful to get visits from old friends and even having a few excursions out and about. Yesterday I had a visit from my dear friend Leila. She drove down so we could visit and go out to lunch...you know you are having a great time with a friend when you end up visiting for so long that the time flew by and we never even left the house! It was wonderful to see her and we are planning on being better about getting together. We also had a house guest that was also recovering from surgery and he was able to drive so I highjacked him a few times to get me out and about. We saw a move, went to lunch...it was good company!

My other blessing is to know how many of you are praying on my behalf and I truly appreciate it so much! I need them all. As I said before I would really appreciate your prayers for clarity for both me and Dr Parker with the decisions that lay ahead. They are big ones and ones that can impact my life expectancy.  Thank you for your prayers and words of encouragement.

Sorry if I Scared Some of You Off

Many of you have shared with me that people are afraid to contact me. When I first started this whole thing and was trying to get info out to everyone I had worded something in a way that I feel I need to explain. I had stated that "the phone and email were not my friend". What I meant was that I was completely overwhelmed with everything and that if everyone I was getting info out to tried to call, text or email me that I think I would have fallen a part.  Can you imagine, I was letting all of my clients, neighbors, family, friends, church and such know what was going on and it would have meant hundreds of calls and such. It freaked me out to even think of it. I don't want any of you to be afraid to reach out and say hi if you feel the desire. I still prefer email over calls or text messages. That way I can give my undivided attention to you. I have never been one that liked to chat on the phone and I forget about text messages and not always good at responding to them. I love hearing from you and hearing your words of encouragement and I really like just hearing about normal stuff. Please do not feel I am unapproachable!  I just don't like needing retell or update people...that is why I have my blog, so I don't need to say everything hundreds of times! ;o)  Okay, I hope that is set straight now and I apologize if I turned any of you off, it certainly was not meant to do that. I need you all! 

I will keep you all posted when I hear from the doctor. Prayers until then please! XOXO to you all!

Love these 2 cards from my great niece and nephew!