Touch Base

Hello everyone. I found out that if I take too much time from blogging I start scaring people. Sorry about that. I have found that balancing work and treatments has been a challenge. There is that huge part of me that says, "Gosh I wish I didn't have to work" but then again it is a great distraction and reminds me that I need to continue living during this process! (and the money is needed, not going to lie!). I am only able to work a fraction of the time I would normally but it gets me in there and that is what's important. The girls there have been incredible in helping me with my clients by the way and they do incredible work!

Arnold the "Terminator"

Another thing that happened and took up some extra time was that we thought that Arnold was not cooperating. It ends up that every time they remove the needle from my port during an infusion it is like I have sprung a leak and from the nurses reactions each time I guess this is NOT normal. Then again this is me they are dealing with and I am not often described as normal! To make a long story short I went in and had dye injected to have it checked and all seems just fine. I guess the nurses need to give me a little more time to "soak it all in" before taking the needle out after flushing the line and maybe even recline me a bit to help. I will be making sure these instructions are followed tomorrow when I have treatment #4.

Wedding Stuff

What a wonderful and blessed distraction to have been able to take Kendall wedding dress shopping last weekend. Danielle and I went with her on Friday and it really helped her narrow things down as to what she was looking for. The following day Joe, Christian's mom Lillian and I took her to shopping again and guess what????  She said YES to the DRESS!  It is stunning and I think it is the perfect dress for her! When they put the veil on her it all just made it so real!  (yes there were tears). It is soft, romantic, vintage and gorgeous but the best part is knowing she is marrying a incredible man of God that I know will be by her side all the days of their lives! By the way it is officially 365 days today until their big day (thus the fingers spelling out 365 in the pic)

Blessings

So I have to admit that I keep throwing myself into a pit of despair and I just hate myself for doing that. So far the mental warfare has been worse than the physical. I have been spending a lot of time praying and at church and God just had this great talk with me a few hours ago. I hope it is my turning point in getting on top of all of this. Please continue to pray for me to find peace and trust in all of this. I need to keep "living" during all of this and stop scaring myself so much. I want to reflect the woman of faith and God that I know I am through this and be a strong warrior ready to take this on. My next hard hurdle is the hair...it is falling out at a rapid speed and it shouldn't be long now that I am bald. Such a weird concept with all of this! My scalp is red and tingly and if I run my fingers through it I get a clump of hair. At some point I am going to have Kendall give me a buzz cut and go from there. At least I have a couple of cute wig options. Argh, gotta get my noggin wrap around this whole thing. My friend Alicia said it is just an external sign that the chemo is doing what it supposed to do! My new mantra!

Okay, going to walk with Joe up to get dinner so I had better get going. Sorry to have scared you for being underground.