A Normal, Wonderful Day

So yesterday was a pretty normal, before cancer diagnosis, kind of day.  I went to work, Joe left to go out of town on business (insert sad face here...I double hate him being gone these days), and then Kendall, Christian and I got the pleasure of going to a wedding!  Joey Gelaro married his new lovely bride Kyra yesterday.  I have know Joey since he was in his mom's tummy.  Alicia was Danielle's 1st grade teacher the year I was pregnant with Kendall and she with Joey. They grew up together from diapers to high school graduation.  To see him stand up there saying wedding vows as the incredibly handsome, gentleman that his is now was amazing and I can't help but feel Kyra is a very lucky girl!  I also know after meeting Kyra at her bridal shower that he is also pretty darn lucky!  They will have a wonderful life together for certain.  All my love and best to them both.

Blog Alerts

Did you know you can sign up for alerts to know when I post rather than keep checking in? Just type in "Google alerts" into your browser and then click on "create an alert". Then type in Bethsfaithfilledjourney as one word and my blog should pop up. You then choose it and you should get an email to let you know. I am not sure if it only works with gmail or if it also works on other emails addresses as well. 

Blessings/Ups and Downs Explained

I don't know how many of you reading this believe in God or just maybe consider yourself spiritual...either way I think you can take something from this next part and I hope you read it. 

A dear friend describe me as living "open handed" as far as my relationship with God is concerned. This really got me thinking about what all that meant and I came up with this. Yes, she is right.  I do live my life with open hands to God. I always have but must say that it has grown over the last 10 years or so. The more time passes the more that grows. I have been open to what He plans for me and what work I should do for others. It has made me stronger in my faith thus stronger in my life. It has changed the way my eyes "talk" with my heart. I see things through my eyes but my heart steers my brain as to what I think about it more and more.  

When I am at peace and accepting this "new normal," I can feel my hands open and palms up to God. I feel the confidence in His presence and His loving hand on my shoulder. When I feel myself slipping into my dark times I know that my hands are clenched shut into fists. Fists of rage, fists of questioning, fists of what ifs, fists of WHY ME! I make God's work so much harder when I do that. He has to gently pry my hands back open so that I can lift them back up to Him. I can feel it coming most of the time.  It is like the world is whirling around me and closing in.  It becomes very overwhelming and I start detaching and shutting down. I grow dark and feel very alone and frightened.  It has only been a few times and each one seems a bit shorter than the last so I hope it is a progression that I am learning to not let myself go there.  

Here's the amazing part...OPEN YOUR HANDS, PALMS UP and prepare yourself.  Whether it is to the heavens, to the universe or what ever toots your horn you will be AMAZED over what gets placed in them. There are so many gifts that we never receive because our fists are clenched shut. Open them up and live life...a life full of gifts and possibilities. I am amazed over the many gifts I have received since my diagnosis!  

My Challenge to You

Work on how your eyes talk to your heart. Don't let what you see and what you look at go directly to your brain. It is time for a detour everyone! Let it pass through your heart before sending it to your brain and see how it changed the way you see the world. 

Mr. & Mrs. Joey Gelaro

More Changes

This morning Joe, Kendall and I had our meeting with my oncologist's nurse practitioner, aka ray of sunshine, Kim.  She went over all of the nitty gritty details of my chemo treatments and such.  I will admit it was hard to sit there and listen to it all and see it all before me.  Certain parts of it were relieving and others not so much.  One step at a time, right? Whew!  Then I had to go pee in a cup and have more needles for more blood work.  When I checked in at the lab I told them the sooner the better for the cup part so they took mercy on me and sent me into the bathroom right away.  One should not push their luck with the bladder of a woman over 50 that has had 3 kids.  

Now for the changes...Now my portocath goes in on the 7th.  She explained it is a procedure that I will be in a twilight type sleep for so thank goodness for that.  They make an incision just below my colar bone on my left side to insert the port and another just above that to feed the tube into a main vein/artery.  Doesn't that sound fun!  I am surprised I didn't wet my pants right there actually.  I will have a meeting with another nurse to go over that in greater detail on the 1st...do I really want greater detail?  I think that was enough! ;o)  

The date to start my first round of chemo is now up in the air.  I have to wait to get approval from the people doing the clinical trial I signed up for and that should come in on the 13th.  That means chemo is pushed back another week now and will be possibly on the 14th, 16th or 17th.  I want to get this party started and I am feeling a bit anxious about that.  The sooner I start the sooner I am done...ya know what I mean?!  If I stay on schedule without any treatments delayed due to my body not cooperating then I should be done with chemo towards the beginning of December.  That would be a great Christmas gift if you ask me...heck, no gift wrap needed on that one!  

Blessings

First of all I have a blessing to share from yesterday. I had so many yesterday that I didn't want to overwhelm all of you so I saved it! One of my dear, sweet clients Eileen brought me a beautiful painting she did for me. She said she lets God direct her for inspiration and she painted me "Victory!" I am so proud to say that I am now the proud owner of 2 "Eileen originals".  One is at work and this one is now home with me so I can be reminded every morning when I wake up and every night as I go to bed that I am surrounded by victories.  Some of them are only small daily ones that most people might not even notice and others will be huge landmark ones...but I am collecting them all and hanging on to them. I will need them all to lead me to the big VICTORY of full recovery and restored health!  

The other blessing came today.  It may seem like nothing to you but when I went to pick up my prescriptions at Vons today both the tech and the pharmacist told me how heart sick they were to see these prescriptions called in with my name on them. They knew what it meant and they told me I would be in their prayers.  I honestly feel like I am surrounded by so many people praying for me and being concerned about me that it simply overwhelms me at times. I have had the most unbelievable emails, private FB messages, card and messages on this blog.  I have some pretty darn good friends and I cherish you all as true gems in my treasure box of life.  I may not respond to each and every message but please do not think that they don't mean something to me.  Sometimes I am just too overwhelmed and too tired to do so and then they start piling up on me.  Each and everyone of them gets read and I love them all...just like I love you all.  Please make sure when you leave messages on this blog that you sign your name especially if you have one of those funky log in names.  I don't know who some of them are from and I want to make sure I do.  

Well this little buckaroo is exhausted and would like this day to come to a close. Kendall and I took precious little Morgan and Addison (her friend's 2 and 4 year olds) to the fair this afternoon and I feel like I ran a marathon. Don't get me wrong, they were perfect angels and I could just gobble them up. It just tuckered me out and I am pooped! In the mean time I have included a photo of me, Eileen and VICTORY as well as a pic of my new prescriptions.  Seriously...maybe I could use a few more!  

If you look carefully you can see my other Eileen original in the background. 

Beth's pharmacy.  The tube is a numbing cream I will put on the surface of my skin for the chemo needle to go through into my portocath. 

More Needles

I didn't post yesterday since it was a "normal day"...what actually is that any more?  I worked all day and came home. Gosh, I forgot what that was like!  Well today was back to the "new normal" which means work and needles it seems.

The day started with a miracle...I got up early and went to mass at OLMC.  Any of you that know me know that I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON!  I actually got myself ready for work and made it to the church by 7:45am (2 days in a row btw)!  I do get ready faster since I am trying to ignore my hair. I figured I better start getting "unattached" to it since it will be gone soon.  I am avoiding making it look nice cause it never fails...some jerk has to complement me and tell me what nice hair I have. How dare they! lol

My sweet Kendall took me in today so I could get yet another biopsy. Hey, maybe if they keep doing this they will get all this cancer crap out of me (I wish it worked that way).  Well they took 4 samples from the main tumor for the clinical trial I have signed up to participate in and then a few out of the lymph node that is kind of under my arm.  It seems that when Scripps did the initial biopsy they may have missed it.  Let me tell you, the same procedure can have very different feelings based on who does them.  I had the pleasure of having a drop dead, super model, gorgeous female doctor do my biopsies today and she had the hands of an angel.  It truly was not a big deal at all and I am certain that she deserves some sort of award for this!!!  I thanked her profusely and went on to get my ECG and echocardiogram.  We stuck a quick mammogram in there between and I even twisted the person's arm to let Kendall come in to watch so she could see what it is like.  That way she can really have something to look forward to when her boobs get older!  ;o) I am back home now doing the ice on 20 mins - ice off 20 mins thing and having a relaxing evening ahead with Joe.  

Tomorrow/Info day

So tomorrow Joe, Kendall and I will go and get the whole scoop on the chemo game plan.  I am so happy to have extra ears along to help remember it all and it will also help them to know what to expect.  I don't want them to get scared when my head spins around a few times and I projectile-barf split pea soup "Linda Blair" style after a treatment!  Good Lord, lets hope that doesn't happen!  (I apologize once again for my sick sense of humor...maybe I should just put a disclaimer on here and be done with it?)

Blessings

First one was yesterday.  As fate (or as I believe God) would have it, my fatty tumor in my kidney made my oncologist want to discuss it with another doctor.  That other doctor was none other than my guardian angel that set me up with my fabulous team of doctors.  This meant that I got a personal phone call from Chris to explain that my new little friend in my kidney is an angiomyolipoma and is nothing I need to be worrying about.  Whew!  Well that allowed me to have a wonderful talk on the phone with both him and his wife (who is one of my dear friends and survivor).  They both lifted me up so much and I felt wonderful after talking to them.  Great way to end a long day at work!

The second one was today.  As Kendall and I sat waiting for my biopsy a woman got rolled up in a wheel chair near us.  She had zero hair on her head and at first it made me quite sad.  Then she started talking to us and her beaming personality filled the room.  She happens to have the same 2 exact doctors that I do and had just recently finished up her neoadjuvant treatment (that's fancy doctor talk for when you do chemo before surgery...see how smart I am getting!).  She was literally on her way to her surgery by my surgeon.  That means I was kind of looking into my future.  That's where I will be in about 6 months and it was so uplifting to see how positive she was and hear about her journey so far.  I think I made her feel better too because it made her realize how far along in the game she already was.  I wished her good luck as she was rolled away and pumped my fist in the air saying, "Home stretch!"   It took a lot of fear from me to see her.  She may have lost her hair but she has not lost her positive attitude or her strong spirit.  Once again I know in my heart what a Gift it was today for that timing.  Kendall and I had arrived early and the receptionist sat us in the back to wait for my procedure... then to have this woman put just a few feet away from us so we could meet!  Thank you Lord for this Blessing!  

Good News...

Whew, all of the scans came back and the rest of my body is cancer free!!!  Praise God!!  The only little thing is a fatty tumor they believe is benign in one of my kidneys.  I want to jump on the internet and research it but I promised myself that there is no research allowed in the evenings before bed (learned that the hard way twice now!).  

The scans did show what they did suspect though.  It does look like my lymph node in my right breast does indeed have cancer and I will be having another biopsy on Thursday to see about that. Looks like Scripps either biopsied the wrong node or totally missed it.  I am told that the UCSD radiology team do a superb job at this so hopefully we will get to the bottom of this. Still praying it is not cancer in the node and that I will only have the mass in the breast to battle (a girl can hope can't she?).  

Here is how it is all laying out with timing...on July 9 I have the "portocath" put in. This is a device that is inserted under the skin near the surface in my upper chest area. Definition:  In medicine, a port (or portacath) is a small medical appliance that is installed beneath the skin. A catheter connects the port to a vein. They will numb that area with an injection each time and then insert the chemo needle through my skin and into the port.  It helps keep the veins from collapsing due to so many injections and treatments. Yuck, I know...tell me about it.  You get the easy part, you only have to read about it! lol

Okay, now that all of our stomachs hurt thinking about that (including mine) the next part will be chemo.  I will have chemo once a week for 12 weeks, each session lasting about 5 hours.  Then I move into stage 2 where I have 4 cycles of treatments 2 or 3 weeks apart.  It all takes about 6 months to complete.  I have an appointment on Friday with the beautiful and sweet nurse practitioner that assists my oncologist, her name is Kim and she is lovely.  She will be going over all of the details of chemo to better prepare us for what lays ahead.  

The big question now is do I or don't I participate in a clinical research trial?  80% of the patients accepted in the trial will get an additional medicine with their chemo but it means 3 extra MRIs, an extra biopsy and blood tests.  I still have to qualify and get accepted but I am not sure.  I have prayed all along that God makes clear my path with decisions and so far He has not let me down so now I need some direction on this one.  Let it come God! 

Blessings

As always I end my post with blessings.  Of course the whole fact that the rest of my body is cancer free is the biggest blessing today without a doubt.  So strange that the news I got on June 9th that was so devastating is now the good news.  You picking up what I am laying down here?  Here I thought it was the end of the world that I had breast cancer and possibly lymph node cancer and now that I got the bejeebees scared out of me that it may be other places I am relieved to be back where I started in the first place.  Maybe God gives us things to fear so we can better accept and appreciate what truly lays ahead for us?  Although this is still a huge hurdle and long road ahead, it seems like so much less in comparison now.  

I also cannot skip mentioning that the girls at the salon prayed over me today before I headed out for my appointment ... it was awesome and so are they!  To be surrounded at work and in my life by women like this is such a blessing to say the least.

Okay y'all. This girl is going to go enjoy some dessert with Joe, Kendall and Christian and then put my exhausted but thankful fanny to bed.  I love you all and thank you for all the prayers, good vibes, good thoughts, good karma and whatever else you are throwing out there for me.  

Tests Complete

Well all of you must have been really praying and thinking hard about me because I woke up in a much more uplifted mood!  My trust level was back up and it felt so much better.  Thank you my friends!

Kendall drove me to my ultra sound (where I found out there are some suspicions that have been raised about my left breast now from the MRI).  The technician and radiologist did not feel there was anything substantial to it but after speaking to my surgeon it looks like we may need to look into that farther.  Guess I have very over active lymph nodes in my body.  

Then off to my CT and PET scans.  I will say the sensation of what they inject in you for the CT scan was the strangest thing I have ever felt.  The heat started in my neck and throat (even made me cough) then moved down my torso and ended in my groin.  Kind of felt like someone had pour hot water on my crotch!  So so so glad I went to the bathroom right before we started so I didn't have any doubts I had wet myself!  lol  The PET scan is the radio active one. The syringe came in a lead lined box and I had to wait about 45 minutes for it to "soak it" to my organs and such.  Then back in the same tube but head first this time.  Both weren't bad but I didn't get to eat from dinner time yesterday until about 3:30 this afternoon!  At least I drank lots of water so that helped.

I had a lovely phone conversation with my surgeon Dr Wallace today between scans.  The panel sat down and reviewed my case this morning and they are hopeful that I may end up in a clinical trial which would be quite a blessing.  It would mean I start with 5 to 6 months of chemo followed by surgery.  We may have to do some more biopsies and we still need to see what today's tests prove.

Prayers

Since I now know you are all so good at praying and helping me, I would now love to ask you to pray that these tests today do not show cancer anywhere else in my body.  I also ask for prayers that I may be able to be in this study.  I think it would be very beneficial to me.  Joe and Kendall will go with me tomorrow to see the oncologist Dr Parker at 4:00 tomorrow and we should know about all the results and what comes next at that point.  

Blessings

That would be all of you since I know I how much you are all helping me.  Whether you pray, send out good wishes, or just keep me in your thoughts you are all such a source of strength to me and I so appreciate each and everyone of you.  You are all blessings to me...I love you all!

Here's my space tube from my tests today.  Feet first on the CT scan and head first for the PET scan. 

Help

First of all I hope everyone had a lovely day celebrating the men in their lives.  Joe, Kendall and I drove up and met Danielle and her boyfriend Casey for lunch at the Irvine Spectrum and we had a lovely day.  Of course we missed not having Cameron and Nana there (they both happen to be in NY).  I am glad we were able to take some time to let Joe know that he is very loved and very appreciated. Then we went to mass back at St Gregs, the homily was about "Be still and have faith!" That really hit the spot.

Tonight's message from me however is that I need a little "HELP".  I am in need of some extra prayers from y'all. Good old "positive Beth" is a bit scared. Lots of tests tomorrow and stepping into the unknown. I have an ultra sound (easy-schmeasy, I've had a ton of these at least) but then I have 2 CT scans and a PET scan.  I am not so much afraid of the tests but the results I guess.  I know these results are what's going to unveil what all is going on in this vessel of mine.  I also know that the oncology/surgery team are meeting tomorrow morning to discuss what they know about my case from the current test results they have.  Whew... breathe Beth, breathe.  Pray Beth, Pray. Trust Beth, Trust. Faith Beth, Faith.  Time to head up to bed and turn this brain off for the day.

Please keep me in your prayers and good thoughts as this week unveils itself to us.  I need some extra ones right now.  

MRI and Feeling Alive and "Normal"

So I don't know what you did last Friday night but I spent mine with 2 guys and my top off!  Can you top that?  Okay, it's not as exciting as it sounds.  Joe took me to get my MRI done and believe it or not the two techs were men.  Good thing I am over getting embarrassed about things like this.  They were actually both really cool guys and very sweet about it, I think they were the ones that were a little embarrassed (or at least apologetic).  

Picture this: Face down, arms above head, face in a "donut" like a massage table and boobs hanging through a rack I had to lay on...in a tube for 45 minutes with some of the loudest strangest sounds I have ever heard!  At least they stuck ear plugs in my ears and then placed headphones on me and even took my music request.  I chose spiritual music and it sure helped calm my nerves.  I even think I dozed off a couple of times.  I was kind of cracking up wondering if when a man needs a MRI on his "manly parts" if he has to do the same with it all hanging down between a rack of some sort...it would only be fair!  (sorry, I know it's crass but weird things come to your mind at times like these.  Okay, I am lying...my mind is always like that!)

Now for the FEELING ALIVE thing.  I have such a strong desire to get out and "feel alive" right now.  Let's face it, once all this treatment/surgery stuff starts that is going to get more and more challenging.  Right now I actually feel fine.  I have some fatigue from the stress but my body itself feels just like it always has.  Like they say, "cancer doesn't hurt".  It just grows quietly inside you until it either rears it's ugly head in a visual way or from a test.  

So I had this burning desire as I was inside working Saturday that I needed to get outside, breathe and spend some valuable time with Joe.  He came up with the idea of taking me to the fair so that is what we did.  We did the exhibit halls, gardens, chalk art, photography, watched a video on Balboa Park, and even bought a little vacuum cleaner for the salon/house.  I mean you can't get through those exhibit halls without buying something, right?  We were very good and only ate "corn in a cup" (which I highly recommend but be sure to put the lime, tapatio, and seasoning on it), shared a falafel burger and then Joe had his cinnamon roll, icing and all.  I even got to run into my sweet friend Wendy Morris in the photography hall!  What a great night of feeling alive and normal.  I cherish each day I have while waiting on "the plan" since my body is whole and feeling "normal".

Blessings

Okay, I got what I think is the most thoughtful gift I have ever received in my whole life and it was so unexpected.  I popped into work on Friday (for my aforementioned nail appointment) and there was a little brown bag in my suite.  On that bag was a little stamped birdie with this written under it, "A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking because her trust is not on the branch but on her own wings."  Wow!  Needless to say, I was already crying at this point.  I then reached in the bag and pulled out the card which had the sweetest words of love and support and when I saw it was signed by Sally King (the youngest daughter of my dear friend Betty) it took my breath away.  Not because I don't see her as someone that would do something like this because let me tell you, she is an angel with her grandmother.  I just never expected that a young person, busy with their own lives would stop to even think about their mother's friend.  Well the kindness does not stop there.  Inside the bag was a small mason jar (very cutely decorated) filled with folded hand written thoughts and messages each on different adorable paper.  Now I have this little jar so I can pull out a note when I am feeling blue or just need a virtual hug.  Thoughtful just doesn't begin to describe this gift and thank you just doesn't begin to describe my gratitude!

My Lesson Last Night

DO NOT be stupid and fill your head with info from the internet before going to bed!  Yup, I did it again!  How many times does it take for this thick headed girl to learn a lesson?!  Hopefully only 2 times so I will be done repeating that one.  My mom said doing something once is human but repeating it is stupid.  ;o)  I have wanted to read a blog of a mutual friend's that has triple negative cancer as well.  She was diagnosed earlier this year so it is also something fairly new for her as well.  She is a great writer and has a great attitude but reading it scared the s#*t out of me.  My heart was pounding out of my chest!!!  After I regained some self control and spent some time praying I reminded myself of what the doctors told me...everyone's cancer, treatment and road to recovery is VERY individualized, especially with triple negative cancer!  Then I reminded myself of what God told me...He is greater than any numbers, ratios and percentages!  So this girl is going to lay off the things that scare her and shake her faith.  I want to only surround myself with positive things and people.  That doesn't mean I think ignorance is bliss and that I don't plan on keeping educated about my disease.  I need to know things to help in the big decisions coming soon but I certainly do not need to scare the crap out of myself again!  Whew, so glad to feel better today and have my heart at a "normal" rate again.

A Day Off

No work today...woo hoo!  As much as I love being there and seeing my family there and love the distraction of doing hair it is always nice to have a day of catching up and peace.  I started my day by looking at my bedside clock and decided to jump out of bed and run out even before making the bed. If you know me, you know my bed is made before I start my day so this was an important reason to rush out.  I decided to take Father Anthony's advice and go to morning mass.  I went to OLMC and was AMAZED over how many cars were in the lot.  Wow, what a revelation that so many faith filled people are out there...sure made me smile!  Afterwards I was able to pay a little visit to Mary and go in the small and beautiful chapel there.  I even filled a little bottle of Holy Water before I left.

Guess what I did after that?  I went to the gym!  Yup, I didn't over do it but it sure felt good to be there and do something healthy for this body!  I get my nails done by my sweet Deana (aka best manicurist in the world) at 4 and will be the lady at her MRI appointment tonight at 7 with the best looking nails around!  That test is supposed to really help my excellent, genius team of doctors to decide what comes next.

Blessings

It is amazing to be feeling God changing me from the inside out.  Now don't get me wrong, He has been working on me for many years now by changing my heart and showing me the things He wants me to do for others.  Lately though he has been changing my eyes and how they communicate with my heart.  What does this mean?  It means I am finally getting what it means to look at others through His eyes.  I have a long way to go but it is amazing now when I look at other people how differently my heart feels about them.  Its like I love each and everyone of them.  Even the guy that always has a way of passing gas near me at the gym!  lol  No, I really mean this and don't want to mask it with humor.  When I look at someone I feel like I can feel their heart.  I think about what might they be going through right now in their lives. What challenges and joys they may be experiencing in their own individual lives and I draw something from that.  This is something hard to put into words cause its more of a feeling and I am sure many of you are saying, "what the heck, is Beth going nuts?"  I am not going nuts and I am not turning into a freak...just appreciating life as much as I can and appreciating humans as much as I can.  Appreciating and loving all of you humans reading this blog is easy.  I know you, you are in my life, you care about me and we love each other and trust me, I value that GREATLY.  You can't all be there every moment or everywhere I am but where ever I go I see people and now they just don't seem like they are strangers anymore. Does that make sense?  If not now, I hope it does someday for you cause it's awesome!  Love you my friends!! 

Decision Day

So Lucia went with me to my "second opinion" appointment today.  It was great getting to see her and spend some time with her.  Although Dr Kurtzhal was incredible and impressed us both I made the decision to stick with my UCSD team.  So many things have pointed me to this team and this decision that I feel very comfortable with it.  I asked God for clear signs and He certainly delivered so many that I know this is the right road for my journey.

Tests

I know I mentioned that I was having a tons of tests and scans on Friday but my surgeon's office changed things.  I guess they were never supposed to be scheduled that way since they all involve injecting me with dyes.  I guess those dyes but stress on the liver and kidneys since they have to filter it all back out so now I will be getting the MRI on Friday and then the CT scans, PT scan and ultra sound on Monday.  

Blessings

I have to give a shout out to the incredible women that I have the pleasure to work with.  They surround me with so much love and support that I find it overwhelming.  How wonderful to have two places of peace during my day.  I feel so safe and so loved at work and then of course coming home is my place of solace, quiet and renewal.  The girls have all offered me so many ways to help my day go smoother and how to help me on this journey.  They give me so much confidence that I just know we are all going to get through this with flying colors (and I am not talking about hair tint!).  I can't thank them enough and I am very, very thankful for the blessing of them in my life!  I love you all!

Blessings of laughter...side splitting, eyes tearing laughter!

Two days in a row now I have found myself almost sick with laughter.  First it was last night with Corey...I will not even begin to go into what the subject was but let's just say that we both share in having the sense of humor equivalent to that of a teenage boy!  We got laughing so hard that my side actually cramped up and was doubled over. Then today my "Ponce sisters" were in and once again my room at work was filled with hysterical laughter.  Tears were rolling down cheeks and I do believe I even snorted out loud a couple of times!  Such great medicine for me and I am smiling right now as I type just thinking about it.  Thank you ladies!  

Blessings Part 2

So last night when I was going through email contacts trying to figure out who to send my blog link to I came across the email address of a young man (Matt) who is very dear to me.  He was one of the many wonderful youth I have had the opportunity to work with through St Greg's Confirmation preparation. He is now a college student and I decided not to send the link to him.  I thought I should tell him in person and figured that he would be home soon and I would run into him at church in the near future. Well guess who walked into the salon today?!?! Yup, Matt stopped in because he had just come home yesterday and I was able to tell him in person and even sit and visit with him for a bit. It sure made my heart happy! 

Speaking of blessings...I want to share a song with all of you.  I first heard it at my friend Julianne North's house at one of our retreats and it has been a favorite of mine ever since.  I hope you can take some time to really listen to it.  I have always felt that the times in my life that I grew the most from were the challenging ones.  Although it is tough to praise Him in our storms we need to remember it is all about how we emerge from them that makes us who we are.  Close your eyes and take a listen when you get the chance.  I hope this link works, you may have to copy and paste it in your browser.  If that does not work then just go to YouTube and type in Blessings by Laura Story

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQan9L3yXjc

Meeting my Oncologist

I am doing this quickly because I need to get off to work ASAP.  I had the pleasure today of meeting my oncologist, Dr. Parker.  My friend Sheila Walwick drove me today since Joe had to fly out of town on business (he offered to cancel and stay but I figure there is so many more things coming up that I will need him by my side for that he should still go).  Sheila was great because she asked so many great questions!  Way to go Sheila!! Thank you!

So after getting yet another mammogram I went to my first appointment with Dr Barbara Parker (head of the oncology dept at UCSD).  She and her nurse Kimberly were awesome.  My other test results did come in and the FISH test was also negative to we now have a label for my cancer.  It is triple negative cancer which means it is not hormone driven like most breast cancers.  It also means that the treatment route is not quite as clear as it would have been if it was.  I have CT scans, PET scans, blood tests, and possibly some more biopsies before everything is in a place for some firm decisions.  

Team Meeting

So on Monday the entire team at UCSD will sit down and discuss all of the results they will have at that time and make some decisions on the best plan of attack for this.  SO cool to know that I have this incredible team behind me working together on little ol' me.  It brings me great comfort and brings me to another heartfelt thank you to my guardian angel Chris Kane!

I am feeling like a strong (okay and a bit scared) warrior and I like that things are happening and getting done.  I like and feel comforted with action...waiting is not my forte!  

Blessings

So many around me again today.  First of course a sweet text from my big bro...love that guy!  Then awesome Sheila for being such a great help and comfort and question asker today!  And then the blessing of my dear lifelong friend Lucia cuz today is her birthday and I just have to say what a blessing she is in my life.  Happy birthday sweet friend/buddy!  She will be going with me tomorrow for my second opinion appointment at Scripps.  I know that I am going to go with UCSD but it is still important to hear what someone else has to say.  I can't wait to get home tonight a read through everyone's messages.  I want to enjoy them and not rush through them right now.  Off to work I go...Love you all!

Let's get this started...

Hey everyone, guess I don't need to introduce myself.  If you are reading this you already know me but you may not already know why I am starting this Blog.  I am starting it because last week I got some news that no one wants to get.  I have breast cancer, yup and it really stinks!  I am just starting my journey into finding out all of the details but I have already been so overwhelmed (in a good sort of way) by everyone's support, love, prayers and interest that I thought starting a blog to keep everyone updated is probably my best bet.  When I got "the phone call" I was told that my biopsy showed grade 3 invasive ductal carcinoma about 1.2cm.  Ugh, really?  I am the one who helps and supports other people...this is NOT supposed to be ME!!!  Please take this in the right way, I love you all and can't do this without all of your love and prayers but phone calls and texts are very hard for me right now.  I love and much prefer emails or now even comments on this blog! I am trying to continue to work for as long as I can, it is a fabulous distraction and we need me to produce income during the times that I feel up to it along this journey.  That means I am either at work or at home resting so the phone is not much of a friend to me right now. (Most of you also know that I am not much of a phone chatter even when I am not sick!)

First opinion...

Today was my first appointment with a surgeon.  It was our first chance to have someone go over what all this technical mumbo jumbo on the lab report meant.  It was with Dr Anne Wallace at UCSD.  Before I go on though I must first thank my guardian angel and friend Chris Kane.  I have been accepted with open arms into his family at UCSD and I will be eternally grateful for this!  

Joe and I went to Dr. Wallace's office where we got to meet her awesome team consisting of Vince and Debbie as well as Dr. Wallace.  I will cut straight to the chase here because this post is to fill you all in with what we learned today.  Here we go:

• So far we know that I tested negative with estrogen and progesterone driven receptors.  There is one more test to come in and if it also negative it means that I have triple negative invasive breast cancer.  Not the best case scenario but not a death sentence. It just means finding the right medicine is a bit trickier and I would probably start chemo before having surgery to see what works best on my tumor.
• LOTS OF TESTS!! It all starts tomorrow morning.  I have another diagnostic mammogram tomorrow morning then I see the oncologist Dr Parker. Then this Friday I get to starve practically all day for a CT scan of my abdomen, pelvis and chest followed by a MRI bilateral breast contrast image.
• Then the following Monday I have an ultrasound and if that wasn't enough I will get a call tomorrow to schedule a PET?CT scan of my whole body.  I guess my lower back ache scares them a little and we need to make sure that it hasn't gone anywhere else!
• Oh yeah, also had some blood work done today as well and might I say that the technician did the best job EVER!!!  Wow, it was the fastest easiest blood draw I have ever had and he was funny on top of it all. ;o)

I will be getting a second opinion by seeing Scripps Dr Kurtzhals on Wednesday morning and since Joe will be out of town my friend/buddy Lucia will be coming along to hold my hand.  I am already pretty sure I want to continue with Dr Wallace but I know that it is always a good idea to get a second opinion and I have heard wonderful things about her.  

I guess that is about it for now.  I promise to make this page prettier when I figure it all out but for now I wanted to get the info out as quickly as I can since so many of you are waiting to hear about what happened today.

On a Spiritual Note...

I have decided to look for as many blessings along the way that I can.  We are surrounded by them each and every day and so often look right past them in our busy lives.  Even before I got this diagnosis God was already doing so much work in me and I could feel it.  He has been showing me the work He wants me to do to help others and I have really been working on "stopping and smelling the roses" along the way.  I will certainly write much more about all of this and share some things that I have already witnessed but in the need to get this medical info out ASAP I will keep this brief for now.  I am first so thankful for my loving family.  To have Joe by my side with all of this is so comforting.  Then there are my 3 wonderful, strong, incredible kids.  Truly the best kids in the world and I will argue that out with anyone that wants to! ;o)  I am so glad that they have the strong bond between them all that because that will certainly help them get through all of this.  So glad they have each other to lean on.

I have had the wonderful experience of being blessed 2 times this week already.  First by Fr Anthony at OLMC on Wednesday.  I was a blubbering lost soul that day and he brought me into the church and anointed me and prayed with me. Then my precious Fr Jacob came to visit me at our home.  I have missed him so much and it was so incredible to get to spend some time with him.  He had Danielle, Kendall and Joe join him in praying over with me before he left and it was an incredibly special moment...he even mentioned Cameron by name so he was kind of there too!  ;o)

Signing off for now

This is the end of my first blog post.  I promise to make it prettier as soon as I figure it all out but this is it for now.  I am trying to not blast this all over Facebook so if you want to leave messages maybe do it privately.  Please feel free to invite anyone that knows me to follow this blog.  I am not being secretive AT ALL with this.  I feel like the more people I have praying for me or sending good thoughts my way the better.  I love you all and thank you for joining me as I step into this very unfamiliar territory.  Breathe Beth , breathe!!!