It was a "Spitty" Day!
Yes, I said spitty as in SPIT! Today Kendall and I went to the genetic counseling meeting. It was so interesting and we learned so much. I met the criteria to be tested so guess what I got to do? I got to sit and keep spitting into a little vile...let me tell you it was VILE! Kendall thought it would be a good time to use the bathroom so she wouldn't have to watch (of course after she took a photo of me doing it). Thank goodness the person running the test left too because the added pressure of having an audience was giving me performance anxiety! One of the problems is that you can't drink water for at least 30 minutes prior so it was like trying to squeeze water out of the barren desert! GROSS. We should have the results in about 3 weeks. This will play a big factor in my surgery decisions later and also will help my kids know about their own health. (I have decided to spare you all and not post the photo Kendall took of me doing this by the way...you are welcome!)
Infusion Center
Kendall and I also toured the place I will be getting my chemo treatments. I cannot lie, it was kind of a scary thing for us both. Scary and depressing. Don't get me wrong, they have done a VERY nice job at the Moore's Cancer Center at making it as nice as possible. It was just hard seeing so many people at different stages of their treatment, some in not so good of shape and others chatting with friends while they were being treated. I think I will choose to be one of the latter people by the way! I know it was a good idea to get a look at the place so I know what to expect when I go for my first treatment but it did rattled me a little and I need to process it. Whew! There sure has been a lot to swallow lately. Gulp!Blessings/Inside Out
So this evening Joe and I went on a double date with Kendall and Christian to go see the movie Inside Out. If you have not seen this yet, I highly recommend it. It is an animated film about the different emotions inside our brain and how they control our thoughts and actions. It was so clever and it had some great messages and delightful humor. Inside the brain there was Joy, Saddness, Anger, Fear and Disgust. For me there was an element missing that I know would be in my brain...Faith. In fact it got me thinking about a conversation I had with Father Anthony at Our Lady of Mount Carmel the day after I was diagnosed. I told him (through my sobs) that I was ashamed over the amount of fear I was feeling. I felt it was due to a lack of faith. He explained and comforted me by saying fear is a human emotion that we are programed with and that it plays an important role for us. It keeps us from running into dangerous situations and can protect us. He said that I should not feel guilty about my fear and that prayer is a great answer to help control it. I thought about that a lot since then. I need to find a balance and I realize that I will not have one alone without the other along this journey. I need to make sure that the faith is in control of the fear and allow them to work together. If I try to deny the fear I think it will sneak up on me and take me by surprise. It is actually the lesson from the movie (spoiler alert!). The emotions actually learn how to work together instead of individually and that each one is important to the whole picture. The memories end up being a beautiful blend verses solely from one emotion. As silly as it may sound, I think this cute little movie will be in my mind a lot as I process all of this along the way. I know that Faith will be at the helm!
Running Away
Joe and I are running away tomorrow morning after mass to head up to Disneyland for one last weekend of fun before this whole ball gets rolling on Tuesday (the port goes in). I will probably not post until at least Saturday night or maybe even Sunday so I want to wish you all a very happy 4th of July! Thank you all for the love, prayers and support you have been sending in different ways. It means the world to me truly!
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| A little photo booth fun at the theater! (obviously 4 adults do not fit properly into a photo booth this small!) |
Hi, Beth,
ReplyDeleteMy name is Chris Haden. You were kind enough to give me the cutest haircut in December, 2013, knowing it would all fall out within the month after my first chemo treatment. My daughter made the initial cuts so I could donate about 14" of long blond hair, and you took what was left and made it gorgeous. A friend forwarded your blog link to me.
I didn't have the same type of bc as you, but I had a 9 cm tumor and my right breast removed, 16 rounds of chemo, and 33 radiation treatments. It took almost a year, and it's brutal, but I made it through the storm, and YOU WILL TOO. I credit Western medicine and alternative modalities (acupuncture, Reiki) with my survival and my new found health.
People will say the stupidest things to you, guaranteed. They mean well, but they're frightened and they don't understand if they haven't been through this. If you ever want to talk or get coffee or anything like that, please do not hesitate to call or text me. I have been exactly where you are, facing what you are facing. It's scary, and sadly, it's not a dream, not even a bad one. Don't flog yourself if you are angry or afraid. It's not a sign of weakness, it's part of the imperfect human condition. But know that there is no such thing as "normal" anymore. Normal is now a moving target. You have to face this head on, and KNOW that you'll come out the other side, happy, healthy, better, wiser.
I will keep you and yours in my prayers.
Chris
858-395-6218
cghaden@gmail.com
Always here for you...Stay strong my friend!
ReplyDeleteI am thinking of you with extra special prayers tomorrow as you and the terminator become friends. The day will come that you will part ways!
ReplyDeleteChris, thanks and I certainly remember you! So glad you are doing well! ;o)
ReplyDeleteThank you Kathy, I am hanging in there!
Thank you so much Jeanette! Terminator time!